Wednesday, December 14, 2011

My Late Night Thoughts

So I thought it would be hard when more of my friends get pregnant. It is hard because I loved being pregnant. I also love being a mom don't get me wrong. But it doesn't hurt as much as I thought. Stephen and I are planning for more children in the future. Sometime when I am done with college and perhaps finished my first year of teaching we will try again. But right now we are a wonderful family of three. A little known fact is before I got pregnant with the surpise of a lifetime. I knew that we were suppose to be parents while I was in school. We did everything we could to prevent it to happen. But we always said, that if I do get pregnant while in school then it was meant to be. Ginny was meant to be in our lives now.
I was so lucky to have such a wonderful pregnancy. I didn't have morning sickness and never was dizzy. I was just super tired all the time. Which I often took care of with a nice long nap during the day. But it was a wonderful pregnancy. I found out on my brother's birthday August 29th, 2010. That I was pregnant and Stephen was the one who told me. On the twenty-fourth of December, we found out that I was right in the guessing that i was having a girl. Everyone thought it was going to be a boy. Stephen was able to feel her for the first time on Christmas eve. She kicked him in the face. Then on Apirl 7th, 2011, just short of being a month left till my due date. I went to a normal doctors appointment and found out that my blood pressure was extremely high and I had protein in my urine. My doctor then waited till it was near the end of the visit to check my blood pressure again. It went down but not enough that she wasn't worried. Oh, I was already at a 4cm. (all the walking I tell ya). We were sent to labor and delivery to be monitored. The doctor said that if my blood pressure didn't go down then we would deliver. If it went down while there then I would be sent home on bed rest. I knew there was an unlikely chance I would be making finals that semister. My mom came down that friday and took care of me on Saturday while my husband was at work. We bought a blood pressure cuff (which I recommend to anyone who is pregnant) to watch my blood pressure. I checked it every hour and wrote on a piece of paper my blood pressure and the time.
Then on Sunday, we noticed that my blood pressure was staying high. It was around lunch time and I was really wanting my favorite meal that my mom was making before I gave birth. I layed down because I was slightly dizzy while lunch was finished. I ate three huge helpings of the food (which I later decided was not good). Then we left for the hospital. I showed them my blood pressure and sure enough I had even more protein in my urine and blood pressure was worrisome.
They took blood and found out that my organs were being shut down because of an enzyme that comes out when you get preecampsya. My doctor which was on call that weekend said that it was time to have my daughter. I was so excited to have her natural way and everything. I was prepped. They started me with pitson. I had a ton of contractions that were quite large. I felt not one of them except a small tightness. At 8:00pm, the doctor came in and broke my water (which is by far the oddest thing ever) then things got a bit more relaxed. I was moving along really well and still was not feeling the contractions. Midnight came and that's when the contractions hit. They were nice and intense and I was sure that I was closer then I thought. I finally, decided to get the pain meds and it felt great.
At seven in the morning the doctor came in and said that it was time to do a c-section. I stalled at a six which was only two from when I started from. I cried and cried hearing that. I got prepped for surgery and went in. Stephen came with me. At 8:08am on April 11th, 2011. I had my beautiful little girl.
Do I regret the things I went through, no. My daughter is perfect. So for those who are pregnant now. Don't let things worry you. Don't have this perfect birthing experience in your mind, because it doesn't happen perfect. In the end it doesn't matter.

Friday, December 9, 2011

A Quick Post

I can't believe how quickly this semister has been going. It seems though that I am not smart person and have a chance on being forced to change my major. That is a whole bunch of fun. It really pains me to think that I might never be able to become an elementary teacher. Anyways, next week is finals week and it's a bit stressful. Our house has seen better days. But it will be cleaned and organized over winter break while Stephen is at work.
Ginny keeps me on my toes though she's still not crawling. I can't believe my baby is turning eight months in two days. I am just waiting for the moment where she suddenly takes off on the floor and me screaming in delight. She's a funny girl though. She sings a lot now and sometimes she will sing herself to sleep especially if we are in the car. It makes me laugh when she's singing away and then their is sudden silence.
Stephen's doing good. His job is a bit hectic since it's after thanksgiving but we make it work. At times he comes home very tired and just wants to relax. Things will be easier for him once the Christmas season is over.
Well, I better finish getting ready for school. I'll update more later and maybe have some pictures.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


I have a few moments to type this so I thought I should give a little bit of an update on our lives.
I am entering finals week with full speed. I have to pass a couple more tests to get into block one. So I need all the prayers that I can get at this point in time. But things are going well. School is going good, just stresses me out for awhile. But it's been going good. I do have two blogs that I try to keep up with but...right now schools important as well as Ginny.
Ginny is now seven months old and I am sure now over fifteen pounds. She loves to eat and is now starting eating meats. She has two teeth now both on the bottom. We only had two bad days of teething. But she's doing good. She does say, "Dada" and "Mama" but she doesn't direct it towards anything. At times we think she is saying Dada to Stephen but we are not sure. She really good at sitting up by herself and is getting the hang of standing holding on things. She still wobbling though. She's not crawling yet which I can't wait to see her do.
Stephen is still working hard at walmart. He's keeping busy with that and coming home to us.
That's it,

Friday, September 16, 2011

Having RA

I don't often talk about my arthritis because its not who I am and it does not run my life. But I need to right now. Things are bothering me. I feel like people don't realize how horrible arthritis is. Sure I don't talk about the pain that I have 24/7 but that doesn't mean its not there. I fight every day to be normal to act normal. To not show the pain that I am feeling. Like my husband has said many times. I have to remind myself that just because you don't show you are in pain doesn't mean that you are not. You have had twenty-four years of practice to cover the pain up.
I struggle working on my homework, writing notes for class. Walking to school is a struggle but I do it. Holding my daughter in my arms is a struggle. Most of the time I am trying not to cringe from the pain as I hold her. I dread the day when she walks because I won't be able to chase her like a normal mom. I will be proud of her as she takes that first step. But I will be sadden as it will be harder to keep her safe and sound. I struggle...a lot with these feelings.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Update On Our Lives

So, since it's Monday and I am just sitting here waiting for school I thought better update my blog. I am actually not sure if anyone takes the time to read my blog. If there is then great. Anyways, so let's update.
I am busy with school so it seems. Shakespear class we have just finished our second play. We are about to start Titus which I have read and I didn't enjoy it the first time. Though we are lucky enough to just watch it in movie form. So that is a relief to tell the truth. In my Relationship class we just had our first exam. I might find out how I did on it today in class. Though we had a huge dicussion on the case of the mom who put hot sauce on her sons mouth. Well according to the news is that she is Mormon so it brought up some issues with Mormons. Me being the only Mormon in class had no idea if I should speak up or keep quiet. When a girl mentioned that mormons are not allowed to use any methods of birth control and then another girl brought up that it's huge if you adopt if you are a Mormon. I had to raise my hand and fix some of the thoughts. The girl who mentioned the birth control told me that she was excommincated because she was on birth control. I had no idea what to say as I know that we can use birth control. As when Stephen and I got married the bishop talked to us about birth control. I talked to the missionaries that week as we had them over for dinner. They never heard of it as well. In Modern American Poetry we just finished reading Dickinson and Poe. On Wednesday, we will be starting to read Frost. It should be interesting to say the least. In Biology, we are learning about genes, we have our first exam on Wednesday. In Music class I am learning to use the recorder which is so very hard. I am also writing a song to sing tomorrow in class. That's it for class.
Ginny is getting big. She just turned five months old yesterday. She loves playing outside in her excersaucer. To tell the truth, she loves being outside period. She is teething but no teeth have yet poked out. She is rolling around and tries hard to crawl. I have a feeling we will be dealing with that soon. Though she is almost sitting up on her own now as well. She tripods which is very close on sitting up. She also loves eating my face. It's quite funny to watch her and I have a video of it.
Stephen is doing well. Working hard as well always to put me through school. He has been playing a video game lately to relax and enjoys spending time with his girls.

That's us,

Friday, September 2, 2011

Shredding the Excess: Fast Break Action Plans

Reaffirm Your Focus
Unique: based on your own dreams and life experience
Concrete: exact and time-specific. Just give some flexibility with exact weight-loss goals
Inner-directed: based on your own unique and specific reasons
Harmonious: in tune with your deep beliefs
Realistic: challenging without being overwhelming.
Written: so that you can see what you're working towards
My goals: Divide the Goals into Three categories. Long term which is one year or more. Medium term usually one to three months, and short term is one month or less
Long Term:
Lose 50 pounds in a year. So that I can do charity walks with my mom.
Get down to 130lbs by March 9th, 2013.
Get to the point where I can start running by January 1st, 2013.
Medium Term:
Lose at least 15 lbs by three months.
Be able to eat within calorie range at least 5 out of 7 days within three two months.
Eat one vegetable and one fruit in a day for at least 5 out of 7 days within one month.
Short Term:
Drink 8 glasses of water 6 out of 7 days.
Get down to one 20oz thing of soda per day

Set up Shop
Make a vision college. Which is positive reminders of the goals. A way to stay motivated. Place it where you can see it when you feel discourage. Place it where you spend the most time.
Plan ahead.
Take a Before picture
Restock the kitchen. Do a full kitchen inspection. Replace unhealthy food with healthier alternatives.
Stock up on whole-grain bread, pasta, and crackers
Buy fresh fruits and veggies. Buy them already washed and cut up if you don't want to spend the time. Canned and frozen varieties are also nutritious and take less time.
Get rid of sugary sodas
Plenty of water, resuable water bottles for home, work, and car
Banish junk food with empty calories
Replace high fat with low fat
Pack nutritious and filling apples, bananas, and almonds and keep them in your office.
Stock healthy snacks at home
Pack a gym bag and keep it in the car
a pair of comfortable workout shoes
Establish a standard at-home exercise routine

Choose your rewards
Find ways to use regular rewards to boost your morale
Choose two rewards. First, select a small reward for completing all of your fast break goals. Second select a larger reward for making it through all four stages.
Fast Break Reward: Is Buy myself a kindle book
Four Stages Reward: Three kindle books

Learn about what you currently eat
Track Your food.
Once people begin tracking their food, they're often shocked to learn that they're eating the equivalent of 4,000 calories a day.
Others experience a sort of “perception gap” where they honestly believe they are drinking enough water or eating enough protein, only to learn after tracking that they really aren't.
Write in a journal or on sparkpeople what you eat. Wright down each time you eat or drink something. No matter how small
Write down what you ate, how much of it, and how many calories it contained.
Once you've logged your food for three days, it's time to take stock, to look back at your food log so that you can learn how, why, and when you eat.
Weight: 246.8 lbs

Saturday, August 27, 2011


So life is getting on a schedule with school going on. We are finally getting used to doing everything that we can. I go to school and Ginny goes to her sitters. On Mondays, she stays at her sitters till four when Stephen picks her up. During that time I am cleaning the house and getting ahead on my homework. It's the time that I spend getting things done that I normally can't get done because she's home and wanting my attention. Which I don't mind at all. Wednesdays and Fridays, I go to school, come home and call the sitter who brings her over. I then give Ginny a bottle and take a nap with her. Then Stephen comes home and we spend time as a family for awhile. Tuesdays and Thursdays, I spend time with Ginny and while she takes her naps I do homework that needs to be done or pick up.
Ginny is getting big. She is now rolling around so it's a big challenging in the fact that I can't prop her up on her bobby while i am doing homework right next to her. She is becoming more fun to play with and she giggles once and awhile. Nothing like an all out giggle fest. We are not starting foods till she's six months old. But we are really enjoying her as she grows.
Stephen is doing good. He got hurt at work awhile back. That he is slowly recovering from. So for awhile it's been hard for him to work then come home and help out. But we are making it work. We are both working on losing weight though so hopefully, things will go smoothly.
You will now start to see recipes on the blog. I am slowly starting to cook more. I am going to be making dinners in the crockpot on some nights and working on making a small cookbook that I can give out to family and friends. So, I'll post the recipes and what we think of them. So far I have made pot roast and pulled pork which both came out perfect. I have a few friends that will be coming over to try the meals each week. So we shall see.
Starting tomorrow, I'll show you in pictures what I do during the days. It's not much but it works for us. Oh also I have been learning how to drive. My friend Sam took me out to the dirt roads and let me drive her car around. I even came into town and drove around. Also drove on the highway for the first time. I am finally pushing myself to learn how. So we shall see how that is going.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Shedding the Excess: Planning Fast Break Day 1

For those who don't know Sparkpeople. Fast break is a week where it gives people a taste of success and a flicker of hope that this time they can succeed.
Six Action Steps for Fast Break
1. Set your Fast Break Goals
2. Plan Your SparkTime
3. Reaffirm your focus
4. Set up Shop
5. Choose your rewards
6. Learn about what you currently eat

Set Your Fast Break Goals
Track three small goals that might seem inconseqential. "The goals are designed to be simple that the only possible answer is "Of Course I can!"
My Fast Break Goals:
-Drink 8 cups of water each day
-Excercise for ten minutes for 5 out of 7 days
-Post on blog about weight loss 5 out of 7 days
Plan Your SparkTime
Have time for Plan and review, read and reflect, and exercise.
My schedule:
-4:30am: exercise 10min-30min
-5:00am: Feed Ginny
-6:00am: eat breakfast
Be done with 2 cups of water
-6:30am: Shower/dress
-7:00am: pack backpack
-7:30am: plan and review
-8:00am: read and reflect
-8:30am: leave for class
Be done with 2 cups of water
-9:00am: English class
-10:00am: Relationship, have a healthy snack
-11:00am: Poetry
-12:00pm: Biology
Be done with 2 cups of water
-1:00pm: go home
-1:30pm: Eat lunch
-2:00pm: Nap with Ginny on Wed. and Fri.
-2:00pm: Work on homework on Mondays
-4:00pm: Homework or Clean house
Be done with 2 cups of water
-5:00pm: Dinner
-6:00pm: Read a book
-7:00pm: Blog
-8:00pm: Relax
Be done with 2 cups of water
-8:30pm: Go to bed

Tuesdays and Thursdays
Tuesdays and Thursdays
5:00am: Feed Ginny
6:00am: Eat Breakfast
7:00am: Go for a walk with Ginny
Be done with 2 cups of water
8:00am: Nap
9:00am: Feed Ginny
11:00am: Lunch
12:00pm: Homework
Be done with 2 cups of water
1:00pm: Feed Ginny
2:00pm: Nap
4:00pm: Relax
8:30pm: Bed

Shedding the Excess Questions

So I admit that I am not starting till Sunday. Why am I waiting till Sunday to start working on losing weight because it's the start of the new week. Also I will offically be in the swing of thing with school and such by then. So, what am I doing to work on shedding the excess weight right now. I am working through my book. The book is called, "The Spark" it's by the founder of which is a free weightloss website that I use. It's actually a pretty easy read about weight loss. I keep notes for myself through out it. So here they are...
What truly drives you?
My daughter, my husband, and my future
Is there a clash between what you really believe and what you're trying to accomplish?
At times there is because of the fact that I believe that I can eat and be who I want to be but I want to lose weight.
Are you working each day toward something that really matters to you?
Right now, yes. I have always wanted to become an elementary teacher and a stay at home mom. I want to finish school and become a teacher for awhile then become a stay at home mom and perhaps start up a preschool. So then I can home school my children.
What are your core values and beliefs?
I know there is a heavenly father who listens to my prayers. I also think that family is one of the most important thing in the world. Also that education is needed for everyone to be able to achieve the highest education that they want.
How can you turn those values and beliefs into a purpose in one or more of your life roles?
I can work hard in college to try and get the best grade that I can to become the best teacher I can. I can also spend time with my daughter and husband and try not to stress out so much. Which means that I have to feel good about my body so that I am less stress about things.
Visualize your purpose. How can you see it becoming a reality, based on where you are now?
I need to find time to work out and eat right so that I can be the best person there is. Also keep ahead in my studies so that I have time to spend time with my family.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Back to the School Grind

I can't believe that I have started school already. It seems like I just ended early because I had to have a baby. I haven't missed school in one bit. I thought I would by this time but I haven't. I loved spending time with my daughter and just cuddling with her. Singing songs to her and teaching her all different things. But, I must learn more things myself. I need to finish college so that I can proudly tell her to keep going when she gets to this point in her life. So, school is already becoming a huge stress factor. I am taking fifteen credits this semister because three of those credits didn't count for fasva. Curse having to take biology three times. So most of my classes are just filler classes. Things that I really don't have to take but am to fill up more credits.
Here's my schedule:
9:00-10:00: Shakespear Class
10:00-11:00: Reletionship Class
11:00-12:00: Modern American Poetry
12:00-1:00: Biology
Starting in October
2:00-4:00 only on Mondays: Diverse Class

5:00-6:50: Music for Elementary Teacher
It's going to be a rough semister trying to learn how to juggle homework with raising my daughter. So far, it's not going so I had over 100 pages to read in two days. Also Ginny, has been waking up once through the night and having a hard time going back to sleep. Like today she woke up at 2:00am and she is just in a light sleep in the swing as I type this at almost five o'clock in the morning. I did get a lot of homework done though in this period.


Sunday, August 14, 2011

School is about to Start

So I have been out of school for a little over four months now and it's going to be so strange going back to school. But, no matter how much I love being home with Ginny and wanting to be a stay at home mom. I need to finish getting my degree so that my husband, Stephen, can go to school himself. Then perhaps, I will be able to stay home and raise my children. I am just glad that I had the whole summer with her to get to know her and her personality. I am hoping to finally go into Block 1 in the spring so then I will be closer on getting that degree.
Today, in Relief Society we had a lesson about eternital marriage. One of the sisters who was teaching was talking about some family stories that she had of her family. It makes me so excited to get sealed to Stephen as well as Ginny when the temple gets built. I can't wait to know that I will be with them for eternity. Before I became a mom I wasn't very religious. I went to church but that was pretty much it. Though, now I pray every night after I put Ginny to bed that she will make it through the night. That no harm will come to her.
Anyways, so I start school on Wednesday. I have classes only one Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Except one class at night on Tuesday. Anyways, we found a great sitter in our ward who Ginny already likes. It will be nice to know she is with someone that I can trust.


Thursday, August 11, 2011

4 Months Old

So today Ginny turned four months old. I can't believe that by this time at night, I was crying my eyes out because I couldn't cuddle with my little girl who was in the nursery because of her condition. It was a long hard labor for me and it was even a long eleven days after. But we are finally adjusting to being parents. We can't be more happy with our little girl. It still amazes me that she is four months old.

So right now what does Ginny do. Right now she eats every four hours except at night four ozs. We are hoping to get the okay for eating cereal next week. We will also get to find how much she weighs.
Her bedtime is 8:30pm. If you don't have her ready for bed by then you get a screaming mess of a baby. She then will sleep all the way to six o'clock am. Wake up just to eat and new diaper. Also to say goodbye to her daddy as he leaves for work then back to sleep till ten.
She loves singing time with Mommy and playing in her toy.
Also, she loves standing and loves when her daddy says, "How you Doing?" or when mommy says, 'What do you want?"

Love her to death.

Monday, August 1, 2011

It's Monday

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. It's been slow here and nothing really exciting to post about. I am sure things will get more exciting. But I thought I better give an update on my blog about things. So this summer has been relaxing and getting me in the swing of being a mother. Stephen's been working hard at Walmart and in hopes of getting a job at the DC which pays better. I am not looking forward to school starting in only a couple of weeks because I am enjoying spending time with my daughter home. Who is right now...playing with her toes her knew found passion.
Lately though, we have been relaxing at home. I am reading books on my blog and reviewing them. I just started a new blog just for book reviews. I am singing silly songs to Ginny and teaching her little things. She can now stand up stright if we support her. She also knows how to give kisses even though they are the big wide open mouth that makes her look like she will eat your face. But it's been fun. Also we got a huge back of clothes from one of my sister-in-laws that goes all the way up to 2T so getting those organize as well as packing away newborn and most of Ginny's 0-3 months clothes since she's outgrown them.
Stephen and I had our 2nd year anniversery. We decided to treat ourselves to a hotel and a two day break from everything. Ginny had the pleasure of staying the night with my mom. Stephen and I stayed at a hotel that was not the best hotel that we could have stayed. We found a neat indoor pool in Overland park that we plan on going off and on now. We ate at Bufflo Wild Wings and then had some ice cream. Then went to see a movie before we went to see our girl. It was a nice two day get away.
Well Ginny is I must go...I'll put pictures up sometime soon.


Sunday, July 3, 2011

Book Review: Dog Park

The Dog ParkThe Dog Park by Ann Elwood

My rating: 4 of 5 stars

In this book there is several short stories that are all part of the same scene and the same set of characters. All the characters take their dogs to this dog park called “Paradise” where they meet each other and become better people. In the first story you meet a character named Cara who just went through a nasty break-up and takes her beautiful dog to this park where she meets another dog that she grew a connection with. Which was one of my favorite stories in the book. I was confused at first in this book but found myself enjoying it. I also was wishing that I could find a dog park like this when I was a child with my dogs. It is a book that is very enjoyable to a dog person and it might be a nice read for those who just like to read short stories. I recommend this book to anyone of my friends and any person who is a dog person. I have received this complimentary copy of the book in exchange for my review.

View all my reviews

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

A lot on my Mind

I am going to be real here because to tell the truth things happened in my delivery that I still have not stopped blaming myself. When I found out I was pregnant I was excited and I had so many hopes on how things would be. I dreamed of giving birth to my daughter the natural way and then be able to hold her in my arms right away. Then be able to take a ton of pictures of her at the hosptial. To show my family and friends my daughter either that day or the next day. To be able to breastfeed her right away. Heck I saw my sisters have sucessful delieveries. Also have watched them breastfeed their children and I love the bond that they have with their kids even now because of it.
My delievery didn't go at all like I had planned. I was induced three weeks early because of my blood pressure was high. Also my organs were calling it quits. I was scared to have her early but I knew that her lungs was out of the clear. When I stalled at six cm. I litterally broke down. I felt like a huge failure because I couldn't have her the way that I planned. I was scared and very hurt that my body failed me. Especially when I was already at 3 cm. for a week before. I rememeber just feeling like a utter failure. Ginny was born and she was quite large for being three weeks early. When I held her for a little bit in recovery, I tried to nurse her like I wanted to. Failure...she didn't latch on. But I thought I still have a chance to make this right. Later that day, I was going to try again...then the nurses took her away. She was put in the nursery because of her blood suger was dropping quickly and wouldn't stay up. They wouldn't even let me give her pumped milk. She had so many health issues and it scared me. They believe that I got diabites later in my pregnancy after the test. She was sent to Children's Mercy the next day. I wasn't able to hold her as much as I wanted and I wasn't even allowed to nurse her. When I was able to she still would not latch on. She would scream bloody murder before the nurse would take her away and give her formula or my pumped milk.
I tried...not to feel the guilt. My dreams were crashing down hard. I had PPD right away. I felt like a failure when the doctors suggested that I just give her formula in a bottle and sometimes pumped milk. I cried a lot. But I wanted her home so I did just that. When Ginny was a month old we went to our WIC appointment and surprise she latched on like a champ and was perfect.
Monday this past Monday we are back. she won't breastfed. I feel like a total failure and I just want to curl up and bawl my eyes out. I want to be able to feed her without the formula. I want her to get what she needs from me like it's suppose to do. I pray that things will turn around again soon and get better. I am just a failure and I feel like I should give up the dream of breastfeeding my daughter. Because I am not happy...I love my daughter with all my heart. I want her to have the best and I know that breastmilk is the best.

Monday, June 20, 2011


So...I get to have really neat things happen to me lately. I won a free book from they want me to do is read the book and review it...and tell the author what I thought of the book. Then I was selected on another website to read books on my kindle and review them on and I get the books for free. Woot. Anyways...what does that mean. It means that I'll be posting book reviews on here as get ready for some neat books.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

My Summer Goals

I can't believe how life can become so hectic. This summer has been super fast for me. I believe it's because I am not alone in the apartment anymore. Also because my day usually involves in changing diapers, feedings, and holding an infant. It's amazing how things can become so different. Anyways, I am working on becoming a better person slowly. I have so many different goals this summer it's amazing. Like, I just entered in weight loss contest on my favorite site in hopes that I will get down to below 200's by the time school comes around. That is close to thirty pounds that I would need to lose. But hopefully, I can get on to it.
Another goal of mine is to get the apartment organized. I want to be able to really enjoy living in my home. My goal is to organize it so that I will love living here and be proud of living here. Also it will hopefully, organize my school things that I am not stir crazy time school starts.
Last but not least. I want to make my marriage the most amazing thing in the world. I want my daughter to grow up knowing that her parents loved her and each other. To do that I want my husband to know how much I love him and finding things that will make our marriage amazing will be neat.
The very last one is to work through the Book of Mormon. I have been working on it but I want to really work on it. Even if it means that I am reading that and nothing else. I really want to work on it.
So what does that mean to my blog. means that each day will be something about those goals. Monday's will be about my weight loss journey. Wednesdays will be about my organzing journey, and Friday's will be about my marriage, and then Sunday's is about my spirtual. The other days will be anything that I want to talk about or if I want to take a break from posting. goes life.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Book Revew: What I Did For Love?

The synopsis: How did this happen? Georgie York, once the costar of America's favorite television sitcom, has been publicly abandoned by her famous husband, her film career has tanked, her father is driving her crazy, and her public image as a spunky heroine is taking a serious beating.

What should a down-on-her-luck actress do? Not go to Vegas . . . not run into her detestable former costar, dreamboat-from-hell Bramwell Shepard . . . and not get caught up in an ugly incident that leads to a calamitous elopement. Before she knows it, Georgie has a fake marriage, a fake husband, and maybe (or not) a fake sex life.

It's a paparazzi free-for-all, and Georgie's nonsupporting cast doesn't help. There's Bram's punk-nightmare housekeeper, Georgie's own pushy parent, a suck-up agent, an icy studio head with a private agenda, and her ex-husband's new wife, who can't get enough of doing good deeds and saving the world—the bitch. As for Georgie's leading man, Bram's giving the performance of his life, but he's never cared about anyone except himself, and it's not exactly clear why.

Two enemies find themselves working without a script in a town where the spotlight shines bright . . . and where the strongest emotions can wear startling disguises.

My Review: I was bored in the very beginning of this book. It was very slow but slowly it really kicked off when you watch as Georgie and Bram slowly fall in love with each other when they were arch enemy in the beginning. You learn so much about how Georgie was a door mat for everyone her ex-husband and her father, as well as the press. While Bram was way to out there and didn't care what others thought. It took you on a wild adventure following these two as they show you that they equal each other out. It goes by the saying, "There is a thin line between love and hate." I rate this book a four out of five.

Why is having depression so taboo?

I am not sure I understand why depression is so taboo to have. Why hasn't society seen that depression is not something you can control on your own. It's not made up and it's not make believe. It shouldn't be a secret thing to have because thousands maybe millions of people have depression. Long ago in soceity they didn't know what depression was and they sent people to asylums to live their lives. To take them out of society. How do I know this because I had great great grandparents put in asylums.
Depression isn't something people make up. It's something that has to deal with the chemicals in their brain. They have too less of it and they need help with medication to stablize them. People need to realize that it's okay to having depression it's just one of those things. My mother has depression and you know what you can't even tell when she is taking her medication every day. I have a couple of friends who have depression and they keep quiet about it with others because they are scared of being different. I got news...we are all different. I rather someone be open about being on medication and having to talk to a perfessional to get them through then going to illigal drugs and drink until they can't remember. But you know what those things don't take away the pain. They may take it away for that moment but once those things wear off that pain will be back. Why am there.
Because I HAVE DEPRESSION. I take medication for it and you know what that's okay. I am not scared to be out there with my depression. I was put on medication and you know what...I feel better then I have ever had in a long time. If you go back to some of my old journals online and read some of the thoughts that came in my writing. You would see a totally different person then you would see me now. I am not that depressed girl who cried inside and wanted out. I am much better and I am getting to be happy with myself. I am not scared of admiting that I have depression and I don't think anyone else should.
Kk -I have depression...and that's who I am.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Becoming a Mom

It's one thirty in the morning and right now I am pretty much wide awake. Of course Ginny is actually asleep already from her feed which is amazing. Anyways, a lot is on my mind right now. I never thought being a mom would be so amazing. Okay, I knew it was going to be amazing but didn't think it would be this amazing. It has taken a lot to get used to and I am still in shock that the little girl that is sound asleep in her pack n' play is actually mine. I tell Stephen that at times I believe that her parents are going to come and pick her up because it feels like I am just babysitting her. It's amazing though to see her look up at me and then when she notices that I am looking at her she gives me a grin. She just started to smile and it's not an every day thing. She's an amazing little girl and is growing so much. Stephen is wonderful with her and that in itself makes me love him so much more. Our marriage has never looked brighter as I show him that I love him. He shows it by taking care of our little girl.
I am sorry I haven't written in awhile. It's been interesting to try to find time between taking care of Ginny and taking care of the house. I am slowly getting the hang of it. I'll be used to it by the time school comes around. At least that's the plan anyway. Then I'll have school and homework to add to the mix. My life is changing for the better since becoming a mom. Anyways, I am going to try something and hopefully it will work and my blog will be more interesting to say the least. I am hoping to be able to make things shown in my blog.
Mondays: Will be my cleaning goal. My goal is to declutter my house and make it a real home. Stephen doesn't know this but that's my plan.
Tuesdays: Will be a picture day.
Wednesdays: Will be talking about my weightloss. eww
Thursdays: Will be book reviews
Fridays: Will be me blog post and none on the weekend.


Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ginevera Birth's Story

This story started on August 29th, 2010 at five o'clock in the morning when I decided to see if I was pregnant. Few people wanted me to test to see if I was in deed with child. Of course I was the one who did not believe that I was pregnant. But on August 29th, I decided to pee on a stick to see if I was. I did not want to look to see if there were two lines so I left it in the bathroom on the counter. I went to the living room and relaxed on the computer. About thirty min. later my husband awoke to find that I was not in bed and came to find me. He then went to the restroom to find the pregnancy test on the counter. He came out holding it and said, “Why didn't you wake me?” I said because I knew it was going to be negative. He then had a shocked look on his face. He then announced that I was pregnant as there were two lines. So my husband had the pleasure to announce to me that I was pregnant. We announced to our families the week after that. We gave our mother's scrapbook stickers of it's a girl/it's a boy and waited to see. Everyone was excited to meet our little bundle of joy. As I grew bigger though everyone took guesses that the baby I was carrying was a boy. As I had a lot of the old wives tales link to me having a boy.
Though on December 23rd, we had my mom, my mother-in-law, and my best friend come with us to our sonogram. Sure enough I was the one who was right that I was pregnant with a little girl. We knew right away her name would be Ginevera Lynne and she would be nicknamed Ginny. We couldn't wait to meet our little girl.

On April 7th, 2011 we went to the doctors. While we were at the doctor's we found out that I had very high blood pressure which was starting to worry the doctor. She said that if we could not get it to go down that night then I would be induced. But at the same appointment we found out that I was already dilated to a 3 cm. We called our parents to let them know what was going on. We were in luck that my blood pressure went down that night so I was sent home. To be put on bed rest till Tuesday at least. My mom came down to help out that weekend. Stephen and I went and bought a blood pressure cuff and I started to take my blood pressure once and while. On Sunday we found that my blood pressure was high all of the weekend. No matter what I did it would not go down.

So after we had lunch my favorite lunch. We went up to labor and delivery. I was tested and sure enough I had more protein in my urine. Also I was high in liver things as well then I was on Thursday. My doctor decided who thankfully was on call that weekend that it was time to have the baby. We started to call all of our loved ones to let them know that we were going to be induced that night. They started the drugs to induce labor. I relaxed and didn't feel the strong contractions that were hitting me hard. At nine o'clock that evening my doctor came in and broke my water. It was the weirdest thing ever to feel the water break. At midnight, the contractions were strong and my mom, Stephen, and his mom convinced me to get the drugs. I was only at 5cm. At seven o'clock in the morning on April 11th, 2011 we found out that I stalled at 6cm. The doctor decided it was time for a c-section. I cried because I did not want to have a c-section with my daughter.

I was wheeled into the room and given drugs that made everything numb. Though it gave me the shakes horribly. I did not like having no control over my body shaking up a storm. Also did not like not feeling my bad knee. I was scared through the whole thing that my knee was going to pop out. Though a doctor there had a nurse stand watch over my knee to make sure it did not pop out. At 8:08am my daughter was born. She was 8lbs 5 oz. And 18.5 inches long. My husband was able to watch them clean her up and then brought her over for myself to meet. She was so beautiful and I couldn't wait to hold her in my arms.

I was able to try to breast feed her but it was unsuccessful. Which was a huge let down for me. My daughter had many health problems that at 10:00pm on Tuesday the 12th they decided to send her to another hospital as the one I delivered did not have a Nicu. I cried when they told me that and thankfully my mom asked if I could be able to go with her. Which my doctor let me go be with my daughter. She was in Nicu for eleven days and all I wanted to do was take her home. Finally on the 21st I was able to take my little girl home. We have been home since.

Update: She just started to breastfeed which is making me very happy.


Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Sad Day

I am writing this as a last blog for awhile. As I am thirty-six weeks pregnant now its making me realize that I need to get a ton of school work out of the way. Then I have the nursery to finish up and then do a hard cleaning of the apartment. I guess you could say that I am nesting. It's just hitting me that I could be a mom from a week to five weeks. I want to get ready for this little girl. So each day I make goals that I need to accomplish before I can get on facebook or even blog. So if I post then my goals were meant.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Friday: It's Late I Know

I have been busy like crazy and will be till the end of the school year. I am trying to get so much done before Ginny's arrival which could happen anytime to tell the truth. So right now I am working hard to prepare myself by getting several things ready. Most of all involves school right now. Sigh. I knew it was going to be diffcult being pregnant and going to school full time but didn't realize by the end of the school day all I want to do is crash and sleep. So right now, I am pushing myself to stay awake and do homework. But not just that but trying to finish projects that aren't even due till the week before finals. I convinced two of my four professors to give me every homework and project now so I can get them done before the end of the year. Now, I have to convince my other two professors to give me their homework. That way if I go in labor, I am not having to worry about turning homework in but also have them done. Stephen is willing to take them up for me to the school and turn them in. So I am really pushing myself to the extreme to get these things done.
But school is going pretty good other then that. I had a rough patch this past Monday when I found out that my application for Block 1 was due on March 1st rather then Apirl 1st. After my prayers and the help of some advisors I was able to turn it in on Friday. So now I am praying hard that I will be able get into block 1 for the fall semister. I have a couple more test that I need to pass before the end of the semister which I will start getting ready for next week. So...if you see me and I look like I am about to fall asleep everywhere don't worry. If I don't make it into block 1 then I will take some more classes most likely towards my minor and apply again for the spring semister. It just wasn't meant to be that I would go into block 1 in the fall. But once I am in block it means that I will be graduating a year later. So We are pretty excited. The chances of us being able to move back to our home town is something we look forward to.
Everything else is going great though. General conferences start today around eleven my time. Stephen's at work so he will have to listen to it another time. My sister Necia is coming to bring the dresser that we found for Ginny's room. So that will be nice. Until Next Friday.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Thursday: Why I love Him

So I like to make list. I am a list maker person. Since Thursday is when I talk about marriage mostly my marriage. I thought why not make a list of things that I love about my husband, Stephen. So here are my reasons.

1. He doesn't mind not doing anything.
2. A wonderful cook and loves to cook (I hate cooking)
3. He likes to cheer me up.
4. He is patient with me when he should be.
5. He is a nerd. He loves playing video games, watching t.v, playing on his computer.
6. He puts me on schedule with my h.w. and everything else.
7. He provides an income at a dead end job so that I can accomplish my dreams.
8. He loves me no matter what I look like, if I have a diease, or just having a bad day.
9. He doesn't see my disablity but he sees me for who I am.
10. The way he is excited to meet our daughter. And knowing that he will be a wonderful father.

Find ten things that you love of your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend. If single list thigns that you would want in a spouse. You might be surpised to find them in your future in one person.


Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wednesday: Poetry Class

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. ~Robert Frost

Since I am in poetry class I am learning quickly of poems that I have never heard about. Poetry was something that was always interested me since high school. It has kept my interest in some way since then. Some of my classmates are really good and I envy how natural it seems for them to write. Too bad that I can't share their poetry because who knows if they ever get published. But I can share some poems that I have read in class. Right now we are working on poems that are monologues. So here are some that I like.

These poems are from a book called, "In the Palm of Your Hand" by Kowit

said she didn't know anything about ovens
so the witch crawled in to show her
and Bam! went the big door.

Then she strolled out to the shed where
her brother was fattening, knocked down
a wall and lifted him high in the air.

Not long after the adventure in the forest
Gretal married so she could live happily.
Her husband was soft as Hansel. Her
husband liked to eat. He liked to see
her in the oven with the pies and cakes.

Ever after was the size of a kitchen.
Gretal remembered when times were better.
She laughed out loud when the witch
popped like a weenie.

"Gretal! Stop fooling around and fix
my dinner."

"There's something wrong with this oven,"
she says, her eyes bright as a treasure.
"Can you come here for a minute?"
-Ronald Koertge

Smokey the Bear heads
into the autumn woods
with a red can of gasoline
and a box of matches.

His hat is cocked
at a disturbing angle.

The moonlight catches the teeth
of his smile.
His paws, the size of catcher's mitts,
crackle into the distance.

He is sick of dispensing
warnings to the careless,
the half-wit camper
the dumbbell hiker.

He is going to show them
how professional does it.

No one runs after him
with the famous lecture.
-Billy Collins

My goal to you is choose a character that you have grown up with and write a monologue for them. Put them in the comments so I can read them. I am working on my own monologue of Lord Voldemort. It shall be interesting.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Tuesday: Picture Day

Spring has Sprung...But Winter Wants to Stay

The View I see sitting....

Monday: First Love

Sorry this is a day late but I still want to write about my first love.
“We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love is our first.” - No Author.

My first love isn't the normal one. I had the normal heartbreak from my first love not once but a couple of times. But I had hope and love that didn't stop coming around for this person. I met my first love when I was in third grade and his family moved into my ward. We were put in the same sunday school and he was often the quiet kid sitting in the back of the class. I hung out with the girls in my class and we all have funny stories that is telled from that sunday school class. But we didn't normally talk to each other until soon after my parents divorced when I was in seventh grade. I didn't have similar interest that those girls in my sunday school class did. I didn't have a daddy that cared about me. I moved across down but still was able to be in the same ward but different junior high. Which happened to be the same junior high that he went to. We became friends slowly in junior year because I didn't really hang out with anyone. I went through depression heavy and often thought of sucide (that's another story). But when I talked to him I felt connection and I felt happy. So gravity towards him and he became a crush. At church instead of sitting with the girls in the front row. I sat with the boys in the back and often found myself getting along more with the boys then I did with the girls. When I turned fourteen, at the Mormon church that is when you are allowed to go to church dances. I was scared because my crush and most of the guys I hung out with at the time were not fourteen. A month later my crush turned fourteen and we danced a slow dance together which was to the song "Don't wanna miss a thing." We also danced to the song "I'll Be." As we grew older every church dance no matter what we were doing or dancing with if those two songs came on we would find each other and dance with each other.
High school I made the option to transfer to another high school across town to start in a 21st program and help start a new school that was built in town. He made option as well. Since we lived across town from the school my mom decided that from seminary she could drive us and another person to the high school. She worked at our high school. We had such a blast riding in the car and talking in the morning before school started. We would look over each other's homework and it was a wonderful time. Several of our matural friends wanted us to date each other. When I turned sixteen which means that I could date I was excited for the fact that he would be sixteen a month later. The church dance before his birthday he announced to me that he had a girlfriend which broke my heart. It was the first time that anyone knew that I had a crush on him. I dated different people off and on. Okay mostly it was the same couple of people which were the guys that I hung out with at church. Often though my crush and I were asked to double date with another couple. Which we never minded even though he was dating someone. I even went to some school dances double dating with him and his dates.
The summer before our senior year, we were both asked to be on a team that taught students at our schools how to use the palm pilots. So that summer we had to train on the palm pilots but also come up with lesson plans to teach to our fellow classmates. Because for some reason the air conditions kept going out at the school. I often invited him to come to my apartment complex which had a pool to go swimming afterwards. We often hung out with each other and we even hung out at his house. Which he happened to walk me home a couple of times. On our last day of training he went home and I went to my apartment. I got online to see him online. We chated a few when he said, "I feel like our friendship is changing." I was in shock because I kept my feelings about him hidden. He then went on to ask me to be his girlfriend which of course I squeled in delight and said yes. I then had to go hang out with one of my best friends. Which he called me at her house and asked if I wanted to go hang out with him at the park with some other church friends. We kept our relationship hidden for awhile because we wanted to announce to people that we were dating. Because we wanted to see their reactions. Everyone kept saying, "FINALLY!" Our senior year was amazing. He often walked me to my first class and even made me breakfast a couple of times. We went on several dates with other couples and just had a blast. Homecoming dance I found out two days beforehand that I had strep so at homecoming dance I was miserable and fell asleep at the dance on his shoulder. We never kissed each other even though their were huge rumors about us making out in the hallway of the school. We were often hugging and holding each other's hands. Prom night was amazing night. At one point of the night we sat next to each other on a bench and because I just had knee surgry not long before hand I told him he could go dance. He said, "No I am perfectly fine right next to you." My heart melted at that saying. We didn't kiss at prom night. We both went to after prom and were watching a pixstar movie and I was falling asleep when he leaned over and brushed a piece of hair out of my face and kissed me. Our first kiss and it was amazing.
After prom our relationship started to take a turn down hill. I was going to be leaving for college an hour and a half. He hadn't decided yet if he was going on a mission or college. He started to distance himself from me at the beginning of summer and I had a good chance that our relationship was going to be over soon. It was a week before our year anniversery when he ended our relationship. I was so upset and never let him know that I loved him.
We stopped talking for awhile and during my first year I got a stalker on campus. He found out about it and we emailed each other off and on and I found out that he was not going on mission. Then it went silent between us again for awhile. I tried to keep my distance because I was still in love with him. My second year of college, his younger brother decided to come to the same college as me. I was nervous knowing that he was going to be there once and awhile. We started to talk on the phone and during family weekend at school. He came to hang out with his brother but hung out with me more. Then the second semister we started our friendship up and we talked on the phone every Sunday night for hours about everything. Often times I drove my roommate nuts. If he called any other times I would ignore the call because I was nervous. That summer we hung out and our friendship was back and I was still in love with him. My third year of college I had a dorm room by myself and I admited to him on the phone that I was going to hide myself for my twenty-first birthday because several of my friends were pressuring me to drink that night. He surpised me on my birthday by showing up after lunch and we hung out all day.
That October, during general conference. I just listend to the Kansas City temple being announced to be built. when I recieved a phone call from a creepy voice saying, "Go downstairs and outside." I was not doing that no matter how many times that guy called. I asked one of my friends to go with me and we found a flower with a note attached. I reconized the handwriting as it was the love of my lifes. As my friends and I went around following the flowers. At the end as we neared the building one of my friends said, "What if he's down on one knee?" I glared at her and then I was really nervous. Of course he was not even there but some roses in a vase with a note attached. The note said something like if you want to be my girlfriend again and know who this is call him. I called him and he didn't answer. He called me back and said, "yes?" I said, "I called didn't I." He rounded a building and I ran into his arms. We kissed and I was in his arms again.
If you haven't figured it out. My first love is my lovely husband Stephen. He was always my first love and I can't wait till he's my last love. I can't wait to see him fall in love with our daughter in May.


Sunday, March 27, 2011

Sunday: Agency

So Stephen got to teach his first lesson in the Elder's Quorum and it was about Agency which is what we learned in relief society as well. Stephen and the teacher in relief society took two different perspectives on the lesson. I got the pleasure to hear both perspectives of the lesson being taught. What I liked about the relief society lesson was that we got to share our thoughts. The teacher that taught often gets us to teach each other more then she teachs us. It's a nice way to learn. It's also nice for a young adult in relief society learn from those that are much older and wiser.
I decided to share some very personal things about myself. I shared that I had a huge choice when I was twelve years old. At eleven years old I found out that I had arthritis and was put on some heavy medicine to slow it down. As eleven years old I had arthritis worse then an eighty year old. At twelve years old I found out about the medicine that i was taking could prevent me from becoming a mother. So I made the heavy option to be taken off every medicine availble. I decided to go with getting my joints worse then they are then not be able to have children. I am totally blessed that I am going to be a mother in little over a month time.


Friday, March 18, 2011

Friday: Pain and Birthing Class

So today is the last day before Spring Break. I am so ready for a break from school. Also ready to be able to get the Nursery close to being done. Also catch up on homework and studying. So this past week from Saturday to now.
Saturday, Stephen and I went to our birthing class. We didn't learn much in the first session that we didn't already know. We though got to take a tour of the birthing room and post partam room. In the second session we learned a few things. The breastfeeding part was interesting. But we did get two boxes that was full of coupons and samples from huggies. Then we headed to my mom's for dinner and to spend time with her.
On Sunday, the plan was to go to our niece Addie's baby blessing but I had intense pelvic pain that left me in tears. Stephen and I decided to come home early so I could rest. I called my mom to let her know. She came down to take care of me and helped us clean carpets.
Monday, I stayed home from classes because of the pain. I was able to get a doctor's appt. to hear that it was a normal pregnancy pain. It might be SPD. I was bummed that the doctor was not my normal one and she wasn't as nice. My mom stayed till Tuesday evening to help.
Right now I am staying with school. I got B's in Comp II and Poetry. I got C's in Econ. and a Geography. So that is going good.
What to look forward to next week my Baby Shower that my mom is hosting and spring break.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thursday: My Marriage

Stephen works hard to provide for our family. He works at Walmart which doesn't pay him enough for what he does. He gave up a whole lot to move here to be with me. He gave up being close to his family and gave up a good paying job. A job that even offered him a raise to stay there. We lived a few weeks apart in our married life and he wanted to be here with me. He packed everything and moved down here to be with me. I can't be more happy to be with him and know that we are going to be parents soon. We struggle with money because how little he makes and yet he never complains. He never complains that we miss things in his family because we live far away. Never complains when I just need to be in his arms.
I never witness such a sacrifice in a guy in my life. When things got tough they took off. No matter who they hurt in the long run. Many times I wonder why Stephen is is with me and I often tell him that I am too lucky to have him as my husband. I am not the most open person because of my past and he pushes until he knows it's not something to push about. I have a hard time connecting with people and sometimes even with him. But he doesn't give up hope on me and he doesn't mind to just hold me and let me cry.
He is my knight and shining armor.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Sunday: Spirtual Side

So, since today is Sunday and it's five in the morning I thought I would make a blog post. I am not your every day mormon person. I have had my ups and downs and fall outs in the church. My mom and siblings were all baptised on the same day. I was four years old and blessed in the church. I was then baptised at eight years old by my dad. It's been a hard road for me to travel. My family stopped going to church for awhile. My siblings stopped going to church all together. My parents got a divorce, my sisters got pregnant. All the pressure for me to stay in the church and get married in the temple was all on me. I didn't have a testimony of the church at all. I didn't feel like I belonged in the church but only went to make my mom happy. To try and fit in with my peers.
When I went off to college I went to church. I started to and was really happy in going. But I stopped going because I didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't have a father who had the priesthood and didn't really have friends in the ward. I was in love with a boy that broke my heart.
When I got engaged, I knew I didn't want to be married in the temple. I wanted my siblings to be able to see me get married to my husband. I wanted that experience that I watched both of my sisters recieve. But now that I am married and very much in love with my husband. I can't see my self without him even if one of us die. I want him forever in my life. To make that real we started to grow our own testimonies. We started to go back to church and I felt like I belonged. Now that I am pregnant I want the very best for my daughter. I want her to know that just because she doesn't have a testimony right now she can build her own slowly. I am starting to have a testimony and I am hoping that by the time that the Kansas City temple gets done that I will be ready to be sealed to not only my husband but to our little girl as well. Because I want to be with them forever.


Saturday, March 12, 2011

Saturday: Organizing Our Life

Since we are expecting a little girl in less then two months we are trying to be organized as much as possible. Stephen and I cleaned out the second bedroom that we are turning into the nursery. But we are also trying to organize everything else. So this is our journey to organize our life.
Right now we have a ton of totes and boxes full of random things. We are still trying to blend our things together. So we are going through the totes and giving things to good well and even putting them in totes to put in storage (or my mom's basement). Stephen has a box full of electrical cords. He went through it and got rid of things we don't need but also tieing the cords up. I went through my books and got rid of a ton. :( We have been slowly collecting Christmas things and now we have a tote just for Christmas. How are you organizing your life?

Friday, March 11, 2011

Friday: Weeks up to Today

So things are busy. School is going good in some ways and bad in others. In poetry and Comp. II I have a B. Each of my poems in poetry have given me a good B. And two essays that I have already done in Comp. II both got a good B which both that I am re doing in hopes to raise it to an A. So I am pretty happy with those two classes. In Geography, that's another story. I had one test so far my other test will be in a couple of weeks. The test I recieved a 49% on so that makes my grade very low and miserable. I am hoping to really study over spring break to bring the grade up also to try and get ahead on school work. In my Econ. class, I got a C- on my first class which means that I am at a C- in class. I am hoping to bring that grade up by studying harder then before. But things are going good in classes and I am really thankful to have tutoring in Geography and Econ. the two that I knew I would need help in. I will be soon registry for next semister and applying for Block 1. I will need prayers that I can be accepted into Block 1 so I can finally get started on becoming an elementary teacher.
My pregnancy is going really well. I am still measuring a week ahead which means that Ginny could be a pretty good size baby. I am just hoping she will not be nine pounds or more. My doctor said that she will let me go at least a week after my due date which means that I could get my finals in if I don't go in labor. But my geography teacher is letting me take my final the week before in her class. I am hoping that my econ teacher will let me do the same so I don't have to worry about it. At our last doctor's appointment we found out that most likely Ginny is already heads down which is a plus since I never turned. Also her heartbeat was 156 which is pretty good and her normal. Here is some bump pictures.

31 Weeks

32 Weeks
Also Stephen and I have been really working on the nusery. We are so excited to be able to get everything ready for the arrival of our little girl. As the nusery is getting ready it's making it more real for us. That she will be here very soon. I have my baby shower that my mom is hosting on the 19th of March and the one here in my college town on the 9th of Apirl. It's just really hitting me that I will be a mother really soon. I am just hoping that she will stay until at least the week before her due date.

So Stephen and I like to treat ourselves once and awhile. Since we don't usually buy gifts for each other we get to pick out something when we have the money. This time we were able to pick out one big gift for each of us. Stephen got a 32 inch HDTV for the living room. He's been begging me to let him get one and I finally let him. I got a Kindle which will be nice to take the hospital with me as I won't be needing tons of books to keep me occupied. Though who knows when I will actually take it out and use it at the hospital. It's nice though and I am enjoying it.
What to look for to next week's post is that we have our only birthing class tomorrow on Saturday and on Sunday we will be going to see our niece Addie get blessed. It will be nice to see family this weekend. So that's what next week's post will be about.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Thursday Marriage: Time Together

My marriage is very important to keep stable and loving. Since I didn't have an example growing up it has made me more aware of things in my marriage. It's a growing process for me to learn to let some things go. Some things that bother me but at times I have to just let it go. Stephen and I try to set some time together to just talk.

Sometimes he will get home from work and sit in his chair. I would sit on his lap. We would talk about my schooling and things that happened at school. Then we would talk about his work. We would then talk about anything and relax. I look forward to these times every day.
Also, I got this idea from my sister Necia and her husband. I wake up with Stephen every morning no matter if I have to or if I don't. I wake up with him and have breakfast with him. We don't talk usually but it's a tradition that we do. He does the same thing even on his day off he will get up with me. We are planning on having that time together every morning. So when our daughter is born that will be our time before she gets up for the day. It will be our time together.
Another one doesn't happen all the time. But we often travel to our family places and where we live that is an hour and a half away. We don't have a radio working in the car but that's okay with both of us. Because now it's time to just talk about everything that matters to us. It's a time where we can talk without the interuptions and just enjoy each other's company. I love car trips for this reason because I get to spend that time with my husband not having to worry about anything else other then the the road.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Wednesday: Changing

Since I don't have a ton of experience on marriage. I decided to let that go. But I do have a ton of experience in reading books and other litature. So Wednesday is changing to met talking about different litature. So what kind of litature will I talk about. Anything to tell the truth. I read fanfiction, poetry, short stories, and novels. These will be my thoughts about these litature. During anytime if you want to suggest a book, fanfiction, poetry go ahead.
Till Next Week,

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Tuesday Picture

Today, I went to my ward's relief society birthday. It was really nice to learn different things. Our lessons were amazing and I learned a lot from each of them. So today question is What did you do today?


Monday, March 7, 2011

About Me: Meaning Behind Blog Name

Sorry I didn't do Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, Saturdays, or even Sundays blog post. It seems like we are trying to get everything done before Ginny's arrival this weekend. I'll have to do those soon. I might take Saturdays while Stephen is at work to do a week's worth a blog post. So bare with me until I can get a schedule down. Okay so today we get to find the reason behind my blog name.
I didn't choose my blog name to make life interesting. I actually chose it because I am not very good at diary writing or even journal writing. I like to have an audience or at least think that I have an audience. Where when I write in a book with paper I often feel like no one can tell what I am writing about and I don't want to write it out in the open. So I came up with thediarywithin. Because somewhere everyone has a diary within themselves they just have to find a way to open up to it. Either in private like in a book full of blank pages or on a blog. Somewhere where they can get their thoughts, views, and things that they do out in the open. I am learning quickly that it just takes time and sure you might lose that diary once and awhile but it's still there within you full of your thoughts, secrets, and opionion. So that's why I am named thediarywithin.
What's the reason behind your blog name?


Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Wednesday: Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage: Date Night

As a college student and my husband is working at Walmart we often are living pay check to pay check. Which is stressful on our marraige. But we still find a chance to date each other. We often don't leave our home when we go on our dates. At times we will make dinner together or pick up something cheap for dinner. Then watch a movie either on our netflicks or renting from redbox. We have found out that having date night each week at least will help strengthen our marriage and it never has to be a big thing. Sure sometimes when we have the money we can go out instead of being home. But we often find the time. When our daughter is born in May we will be having date nights at home more often so we don't have to pay for a sitter. But we already have plans for the times we want to go out. Since we often go see our parents one of them would be willing to watch for an hour while we go out to eat for a little while. We will find a way.
It doesn't have to be a huge date and spend lots of money. It just needs to be a time to spend with each other and strengthen your marriage.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Tuesday: Life Around Me: Snow to Flooding

So Tuesday is about things around me in a picture. Well today you get two pictures.

That picture is from last Week. The night before we got snow and freezing rain.

This picture is of a thunderstorm that we got on Sunday. Stephen just made it home from priesthood duties when our street flooded. That would be our street under all that water.

Monday, February 28, 2011

Monday: About Me: 15 Facts

So we are starting to get to know myself. So I am suppose to take a recent picture of myself, and list fifteen interesting facts of myself. To tell the truth I believe I am kind of boring. This picture was taken a couple of nights ago. I was showing off my new haircut.

Fifteen Facts

1. I had a crush on my husband since I was twelve years old. The month before my eighteenth birthday we started to date. We broke up eleven months later and then a few years after that we were back together. I knew he was the one when I was twelve. I only had one other boyfriend before him and that was when I was eleven.
2. I have rheumatoid arthritis since I was born. Through I found out on my eleventh birthday and the doctor didn't believe I would be walking in my twenties. I am twenty-three years old and I am still walking a lot.
3. I am adopted by my dad when I was four years old. My mom remarried and the guy adopted all of us kids. We were even sealed to them in the temple soon after.
4. I have three older siblings. They are one brother and two sisters. All of which are adopted by my mom. Which they are actually blood siblings to each other.
5. I lived in Germany for eleven months when I was younger. I am an army brat.
6. I have one friend that has been my best friend since I was about four years old.
7. I love reading and often can read a book in a day. Which is hard when I am a college student.
8. I don't like to argue with people so often I just agree with them. To let the subject drop.
9. I write novels in my free time. But I have never finished one ever.
10. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. But not seeing it in my future with the jobs my hsuband and I want to do.
11. I am in my fifth year of school. I often am sad about this but have learned that I am learning things better as I am retaking classes.
12. My grades are getting better since I found out I was pregnant. My grades used to be C's and B's and are often now A's and high B's. I am actually on an Honor Society on campus for my grades.
13. I fell away from the church for a little while. I am trying to strengthen my testimony and trying to find out who I am in the church.
14. I have never had any alchol and it doesn't bother me. I have never wanted to try it but been pressured many of times.
15. My husband and i plan to be sealed to each other and our little girl in the Kansas City temple soon after it is built.

So there you have fifteen facts about myself.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Changing Things Up On the Blog

Man if you saw some of my notebooks, you would see several blog post that has never made it online. Anyways, I am trying to better my blog so its more interesting. So I am going to make some changes that will be different. Starting, Saturday my blog will be different in the way the posts will be run. So each day will get a topic that i will write about. It will make this blog more interesting and hopefully gather more readers. Here is what it will be like.
Monday: Who I Am
This topic will be how I am trying to find out who I am as a person. First, I will start by doing a 30 day challenge that I found except it will be in 30 weeks. Then using journal questions to find out who I am.
Tuesday: Capturing Life Around Me
Will be taking a single picture of something around me that week. I might explain in a paragraph about that picture. But sometimes I might just ask you question about the picture.
Wednesday: Tips to Strengthen Your Marriage
Okay, so I haven't even been married for over three years but there are somethings that I am learning about that works for my marriage that I can spread to your marriages or relationships as well. Also sometimes I might use some things I find on other blogs that I will share.
Thursday: Strengthing My Marriage
I know I am still new at the marriage thing. Stephen and I are coming up on our second anniversery. We are also adding to our little family in May. So we want to keep our marriage alive. My goal with this one is right now find something in the week to surpise my hubby with. It could be like cooking him dinner one night or doing some of his chores. Something that is simple but yet can show so many words that I love him.
Friday: Regular Blogging
On this day I just plan to tell you things I did this week and other things on my mind.
Saturday: Let's Get Organized
I am a college student, a wife, and a soon to be mother. I want to get organized in my life. I want to take you on the journey as I use tips to get myself organized from college stuff to regular home things. So maybe you can take those tips and use them for yourself. Also you are more willing to let me on some tips that you have.
Sunday: Spirtual Me
My faith is not as strong as I want it to be. So on Sundays will be my journy to strengthen my faith. I'll be talking about my religion as a mormon. Things that I am doing to strengthen it.

So as you can see things will be different. The blog will be organized where you can access the blog post any time. Hopefully, things will get interesting on the blog. Let me know your thoughts and your always welcome to invite friends to it.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

About a Little Girl Named Emma Marie

So this is going to be a hard blog post to write. But I feel the need to write this blog for the reason of one of my dear friends, Ally, had to go through it. Last year on 2/12/10 my friend Ally went to go get an ultrasound of her little one. She was so excited to be able to see the little one. She was going to find out if it was a male or female. Ally, was hoping for a little girl as she already has a perfect little boy Brayden. That day she went with so much excitment, she was posting status updates as she waited to go back to meet her little one with so much love. A couple hours later her friends found out the worst news that a mother could recieve. Ally, found out that she was having a little girl but something was wrong. Her little girl Emma Marie had anencephaly. Ally found out her little girl wouldn't make it very long after she gave her daughter birth. Ally decided to give birth to her little girl on Febuary 15th, 2010. Which means today is Emma Marie's first birthday. When Ally gave birth to Emma Marie she was lucky enough to be able to spend not the one hour the doctor told her how long Emma would be able to stay alive but five hours. Ally was able to take pictures of her little girl and able to get footprints of her and spend time with her little girl before she left the earth.
Ally is still heartbroken for her little girl. I know that she will still be twenty years from now. She will always remember her little girl Emma Marie. A mother doesn't forget their child. Ally though is wanting to pass information about the diease her little girl had to help other mother's prevent it from happening to them. Soon after she found out about her daughter's illness the day before she went to give labor to Emma she posted a facebook note telling all of us to ask our doctor's questions early. For all women who are child-bearing age to take at least 0.4 mg of Folic Acid even if they are not pregnant right now. To be able to prevent this diease as well spina bifida. Taking folic acid that small amount could prevent up to 50 to 70% of pregnancys that could have this.
So what is anencephaly? Anencephaly is a defect in the closure of the neural tube during fetal development. The neural tube is a narrow channel that folds and closes between the 3rd and 4th weeks of pregnancy to form the brain and spinal cord of the baby. It occurs when the head end of the nural tube fails to close, resulting in the absence of a major portion of the brain, skull, and scalp. Infants that are born with this disorder are born without a forebrain and a cerebrum. The remaining brain tissue is often exposed. The baby is usually born blind, deaf, uncounsious, and unable to feel pain. Although some infants with anecephaly may born with some brain steam, the lack of a functioning cerebrum premanently rules out the possiblity of ever gaining consciousness. Though they do have reflex actions such as breathing and responses to sound or touch. The cause of it is still unknown though it is a thought that the mother's diet and vitamin intake may play a role. If the infant is not stillborn, like Emma, then they will die within a few hours or days after birth. Research is being done to understand how the brain and nervous system normally develop. These studies are contribute to a greater understanding of neural tube disorders, such as anencephaly, and open promising areas to treat and prevent neurological birth defects.
My friend Ally had to go through some of the worst pain a mother could go through and that was saying goodbye to her little girl. So women who are any child-bearing age please take some folic acid no matter if you are waiting to have children right now or is starting to try to get pregnant. You can give yourself and your future offspring the chance of a life. Because I don't want to see another friend go through this pain.
To Ally, all of your friends love and support you today. We are all grieving with you for the loss of Emma. We are all celebrating her few hours of birth today by lighting candles, letting balloons go in to the sky. Because in those five hours that she was here she changed our eyes. I love you Ally.
To Emma, Happy First Birthday little girl. You are so loved by everyone. Your mother misses you a ton and so does your older brother. I know you are watching down from above wishing that your mommy would be okay. You can trust her friends and family to be here for her. I love you Emma.
This is a poem that is written by Ally for her daughter.

We went to the sonogram expecting the great news,
that our baby was secure growing in the womb.
We heard her little heartbeat,
and we felt her move,
we ended up getting the worst possible news.

Our little girl was perfect but she wasn't going to survive.
She had an Anencephaly,
there was no way she could stay alive.

Our baby girl is in heaven an angel in the sky,
filled with joy and laughter growing as time goes by.
Our life will eventually go on the tears will come and go,
It will only take time now to heal our broken souls.

We'll never forget,
We'll always wonder what could be,
We'll always love her so much,
Our Baby girl,
Our Emma Marie.
by Ally
*The picture and the poem are from Ally's facebook page.*
With deepest sadness,
P.S. Please light a candle in honor of this sweet little girl and others infants who were born with anencephaly today. I know I will.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Snow, Pregnancy, School, and Snow

So we survived the blizzard with only four inches of snow. Which isn't bad and I got out of school for two days. But of course that puts classes to put more work into us students to do which is not fun as midterms are coming up. So school is going okay, I still have pretty good grades in my classes as there is no exams as of right now.
Pregnancy is going really well. Since my niece Addie was born on Friday it seems like Ginny is moving like crazy. My belly is always moving to her movements which is very fun to deal with class. I have around 80 days till my due date which is starting to come fast. My doctor appointments are now even every two weeks which is very interesting. I just took a GD test and will find out soon if I passed or not. I am hoping that i will.
Oh we had another snow storm which seemed to stall over us here. We got fourteen inches of snow in one night. More then the blizzard dumped over us. It was very interesting and we got another day off of school. I spent the snow day cleaning the apartment and homework.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Sorry I haven't posted a lot. School is getting pretty busy. I have my first paper due on Monday that is a summary over an essay for Comp. II. In Poetry class we have our first poem due on Friday over a family memory. In Geography we are learning about the U.S. and Canada. Also we are starting out semister project. We also have a first reading quiz due on Thursday. In Econ. we are still learning the basics.
Stephen is busy working but is finding time to relax. He is often watching one of his t.v. shows and playing video games. He is also planning a halo party for Febuary. Also he is busy taking care of me on his day offs and cleaning the apartment. Other then today when he is filling out job applications in hopes for a better job.
I am at twenty-six weeks along today in my pregnancy. It's so weird to think that I have a living human that is about fourteen inches long. Though this past weekend we had a scare. I ended up in the hospital for contractions and low movement. Everything is fine now thankfully.

Saturday, January 22, 2011


So on Thursday we had our ultrasound and I got to see Ginevera moving about. She was being a pain as she was as low as she can be. But thankfully, the tech was able to get the measurements that she was needed. Everything is prefectly fine and Ginevera does not have a cleft lip or a cleft pallet which is good news. Also she is still a girl which we are really greatful as we have gotten her baby bedding. But before we went to the ultrasound. Stephen and I went out to eat at Applebees which was 39 cent wing day. So I was able to eat fifteen hot wings which were so yummy. Then we went to the library to drop of some books and get some new ones. I picked up some baby books on how to raise and which stuff to get for the baby. One of the books is about how to raise a girl. I thought why not read some about it and I could take pieces of it and use it. So I am pretty excited to read these books.
On Friday, I woke up sick to my stomach. Finally when it was time to go to class it settled down. Hopefully, it will do the same today. Last night Stephen and I went to walmart to get things for dinner we had steak, potato, and breadsticks it was so yummy.
That's it...just reminder come check out my new blog.


Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Good News and School

So school is going pretty good. Over the weekend I got all my homework done that was due on Tuesday and Wednesday. So I am working hard on keeping up within my schooling. I start getting tutoring on Friday which is going to be so nice to get help to study. Thankfully, Stephen doesn't mind if I study while he is at home at night. He actually encourages it.
So...good news...I got a letter in the mail saying that I am invited to join National Honor Society at Emporia State. I am so excited to be able to join the National Honor Society. Perhaps getting pregnant was a good thing as I am more focus on raising my grades so my little girl can be proud of me.
Oh...tomorrow we have our doctor's appointment and get another u/s I can't wait to see how much she has grown since I was twenty-one weeks.

P.S. I have a new blog. it's letters that I am writing to Ginevera as she grows up.

Book of Mormon Challenge

So Stephen and I like having the missionaries come over and surpise us. They sometimes come and see if Stephen can drive them to their apartment if they are on our side of town. So on Monday night they stopped by around 8:30pm to come and spend some time with us. We talked about how we feel when we do things right and how we benifit from it. Then Elder Nam challenged us to read the book of mormon as quickly as possible. He gave us a piece of paper each that is called The Amazing Battle Plan which is a board game like and after we read the scripture we fill in the blank spot on the board. So far...I am winning between me and Stephen. I have found out that I can listen to it on my computer in the mornings while I get ready for school or even relax before school starts. Also I can listen to it while I work on my worksheets for school.

Monday, January 17, 2011

School Stress and Other things

So even though I decided to take only four classes this semister. I was hoping for an easy semister as seeing I will be giving birth to my daughter during this time. But it seems like the four classes are going to give me a lot to do and study from. I just finally got finished with homework for Tuesday and Wednesday classes. I took a break on Sunday as I was really tired and it was sunday. I am trying to not do homework on Sunday. Let's hope that will keep going. But in truth, school tires me out lately. I didn't think I would be so tired all the time. Sunday I slept almost three hour nap. I was so tired and just wanted to sleep the day away. Thankfully, I have a great husband who loves to tuck me in and wakes me up so I don't over sleep.
Last night was amazing though. At four o'clock we had our home teacher over who brought his little son with him. It was nice to talk about our families and his family. Then after he left Stephen and I do our own things. As I was sitting down and on the computer talking to people online, Ginevera was kicking me like mad. It was funny to watch my stomach move all over the place from her kicks. I even got a video of it on my computer because it was so cool.
I just have to remember that I have a little person growing with in me. I can't let things stress me out as it's not good for her. I have to keep positive thoughts and know that everything is for this little girl that will be in my arms come May.


So when I found out that I was expecting on August 29th, I took out an empty notebook and wrote a letter to my unborn child. About my fears of becoming a mother and how excited I was. My first thought of expecting the child that was inside of me. I also wrote about my first moment that I got to see my little one at 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. Well...the notebook has been missing for over a month now. Do I miss having it, I do. I wanted to give my child those letters when they are feeling low on themselves and offically give it to them when they leave home. I was going to contuine writing letters through out my whole pregnancy of moments that I felt close to her.
Since losing it I have been bummed and looking everywhere for the notebook. Today I realize that I might never see the notebook that held my fears, loves, and hopes for my unborn child. So I found an empty notebook today and I decided to write a letter to Ginevera aobut those moments as much as I can remember. I am writing about the moments of feeling her kick, the moment that I found out she was my little girl, watching Stephen feel her kick him in the face, my mom feeling her kick for the first time. I am going to write about all those memories so that when Ginevera feels like no one loves her. She will realize that I have always loved her.
A long time ago I used to write letters to my first child even before I got pregnant. Stephen and I were not trying to have a baby when we did it was a suprise. But every time I thought of becoming a mother I would write a letter to my unborn children telling them how much I love them even though I can't see them and am not pregnant with them. But over time I thought they were stupid and I would tear them up and throw them away. How I wish I kept those keepsakes of me and my feelings for my children.