Tuesday, January 22, 2013

So many emotions

Hey, Not a lot people know this about me but I have deal with depression off and on through out my life. Before I found out I was pregnant with Ginny, we had a minor pregnancy scare. It was enough that I was super excited to become a mother. After finding out that my body was going through a fake pregnancy it killed me. I hit my all time low. I was just not happy with who I was and I could not be happy. Stephen was supportive and watched me many times just sit and cry on the couch or bed. So when I started having symptoms of pregnancy with Ginny, I did not want to believe that i was pregnant. It took two weeks for friends and Stephen to convince me that I should take a test to see if I was pregnant. I took it and did not want to even look at the test. I knew it was negative and I just took it to please everyone else. Stephen is the one who actually told me that it was positive. I had the best pregnancy with Ginny. I was happy and a lot of people could tell. Even some people said they have never seen me that happy before in my life. I never imagined that I would not have an easy delivery of Ginny. I knew that I would give birth naturally and I would be able to hold her in my arms, even breastfeed her. It started going down hill the Thursday before I had her. I found out that my blood pressure was high. Then we went to the hospital with high blood pressure that Sunday after. I knew i was already half way through getting ready to have Ginny. Then, I stopped progressing at a six. Monday morning, the nurse told us that it was time to have a c-section. I was crushed, a lot of my mom's health problems resulted from her c-section with me. I knew that I would never get a chance to have a baby natural. It hurt that I wouldn't be the first one to hold our daughter. She was born and her being stubborn that she is, she didn't cry. She just wanted to keep sleeping. When I finally was able to hold her, I tried to get her to nurse. She wouldn't latch on. I just remembered how natural and how easy it was for my sisters to nurse their babies. I was heartbroken to know that it was not going to be easy for me. The nurse checked Ginny's blood sugar and then whisked Ginny away. To shove a bottle of sugar water in her mouth. My mom said that I wanted to breastfeed her and no bottles and the nurse yelled at my mom. Ginny was then whisked to the nursery not allowed to stay in my room. I had to listen to tons of babies cry in the hallway knowing that my body was crying in nursery without me. I did not want to see anyone. I just wanted to be with my baby. She had many complications and ended up being transferred to Children's Mercy hospital. Thankfully, I was able to get out of the hospital. She never nursed and I tried to bring my milk in. I finally, stopped pumping at four months. I felt like a failure. I was put on depression meds and I was finally having my emotions steady instead of being all over the place. Then we find out expectantly that we are pregnant with Miles. I was in shock and scared. I was in block 2 of school and knew that I would be student teaching when Miles would be born. Then things happened and I am not going to be student teaching this semester. I knew my emotions are horrible with this pregnancy and will need to be put on meds again. It's sad to think that I am like this. I am greatful though for what I have. It's hard to say goodbye to Ginny every morning to go to school. Especially since she doesn't call me Mommy but Kendra. She calls her sitter Mommy and even Stephen sometimes. It's hard to not get mad and fustrated that my daughter doesn't love me as I thought she would. But I am always gone or tired to do anything. Or I have to sit on the couch to do homework. It's hard. It just makes me want to home school her even more. Kk

Friday, January 11, 2013

IT'S A BOY!

Hey, So just after the New Years, Stephen and I went in for my sonogram and doctor's appointment. We didn't have to wait long before we were called back. During the sonogram, the baby was moving a ton. The tech had a hard time getting pictures of the baby's face. As the baby kept a hand on the face. It made me remember of the sonogram pictures that I have of Ginny. She always had her hand on her face as well. When she was getting pictures of the blood movement in the placenta, little one decided it was time to keep kicking it so it was hard to make sure everything was going good. Of course she had a hard time getting pictures of the baby's feet. Then she asked us if we wanted to know the sex of the baby. Of course Stephen and I did want to know. We both had no clue what I was having. I had an easy pregnancy as I did with Ginny. Though there are times that I was sick with this one. She then said, "Well, here are his boy parts." I was in shock. I would like to introduce you to my son Miles Nicholas.
He is very healthy little boy. He is in the 87th percentile for height. The doctor said he will be a very good size when he's born in May. I told her that it was no wonder I felt him way earlier then I felt Ginny. I can't wait to meet my little boy and see his big sister with him. -Kendra

SNOW!

Hey, So as you remember Ginny's first snow experience was not a success. Well, we were lucky enough to get some snow on New Year's Eve. Stephen did not have to work till later that day as he was helping with carts that night. So, we decided that there was enough snow on the ground that Ginny could have some fun as snow was still coming down. We put her snow pants, winter coat, shoes, and socks on her hands. We then headed outside, well...she took to it. She loved being out there. Of course she ate a lot of snow outside and she screamed and cried when we came inside. We had even a family snow ball fight. Ginny tried to hit Stephen and myself with little snow she could pick up. It was a lot of fun.

Miss Independent

Hey, So lately Ginny wants to be Miss Independent. It can be frustrating for Stephen and I as she has to do it her way or no way. That means taking clothes off and putting on clothes. She still can't put clothes on by herself so it's a daily struggle with her. Then there are times when she will take her clothes off without you knowing it and put something on. As you can tell she still has a lot to turn about how to put clothes on. By the way that is her favorite shirt and we have to literally hide it so she will not put it on this way.
-Kendra

Christmas!

Hey, So we do things a little different in our family for Christmas. Stephen had to work Christmas eve so we left for my mom's house that night. Thankfully, the roads were not bad from the snow. Ginny, for once lasted the whole hour and a half car ride without any complains and she was awake the whole time. Christmas Eve, we had some pizza and then Ginny opened her first Christmas pjs. It was a tradition that I had growing up and I really wanted Ginny to have the same tradition. Since we didn't have the money, it was some pjs I got a long long time ago and they are still huge on her. Then off to bed we went. Since, when we are near family we stay at my mom's house. So my mom got to enjoy all the opening presents from Santa and from us to Ginny. Of course my mom was able to get a stocking from Santa with Ginny. Ginny loved being the center of attention and loved her gifts.
After we had breakfast, Stephen, Ginny, and I head out towards Stephen's parents house. When we got there they were eating breakfast which was fine. Other then my niece Addie wanted to be done with breakfast to play with her cousin. I of course got to get some snuggles with baby Reed. It was our first time to meet our newest nephew. After everyone ate breakfast it was time to open presents.
-Kendra

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Memories

Hey, So here I am sitting in my living room and remembering things that I went through to get to where I am. I can't believe that I am going to be a Mom of two this year. When I was twelve years old it was a thought of being a wife and mother that I never thought would happen. Who would want this girl who had arthritis to be their wife? I was told that when I would be in my twenties that I would be in a wheelchair. That only made me realize that no man would ever want to be with me. Through I had a huge crush on this boy in my Sunday School class. He had so many friends in church and he had this smile that made me smile every time. He was so nice and sweet to everyone he talked to. I knew through we were twelve years old and in church that's underage to date. I was so excited when we both were fourteen at our first church dance. I couldn't wait to dance with him. Of course he danced with several girls and finally asked me to dance. Even now we remember the two songs we danced that night. It was completely magical to me but it wasn't to him. Through every church dance that we both were at when those two songs came on he would dance with me. We were raised to be able to start dating at sixteen. I couldn't wait for him to turn sixteen a month later then myself. Of course right after he turned sixteen he told me during a church dance that he had a girlfriend. I remember running to the halls to cry. I never thought I would be crying over a guy. We became close as we traveled back and forth to school and seminary. I just figured that we weren't meant to be anything other then friends. We went on several dates off and on with friends. Everyone felt comfortable with us and so we were often asked to come chaperon their dates. The summer before we turned 18 we were talking online when he asked me if I ever thought of him more than a friend. I was in shock and wondering why he was asking me this odd question. I am so thankful that I answered truthfully because he then asked me to be his girlfriend. We worked so well together and occasionally had our arguments. I received my first kiss at After Prom during a movie. But I dreaded going to college because I knew he was staying. A week before our one year anniversary as a couple he broke up with me. I was heartbroken but I knew it was meant to happen. Flash forward to the year of 2008. I was watching General conference on my computer in my dorm room. It was my first year to have my own dorm room and I was just relaxing. When I received a call on my cell phone from a number I didn't recognize trying to get me to go downstairs and outside. I was scared and nervous. Finally, Stephen called me and we just talked when I told him that I been getting a creepy call. I told him what the call wanted me to do and he said that I should just do it. At this time I had a friend on her way to my dorm to go with me to see what was going on. When she got there we went outside to find a flower on the ground. The flower led us to another which led us to another. I recognized the handwriting and was wondering what was going on. Before we rounded a building my friend said, "What if he is down on one knee?" I looked at her and got really nervous what was going to be around the building. There was roses in a vase with a note that said, "Will you be my girlfriend again? If you say yes and know who this is call him." I took my phone out and dialed his number to find out...he didn't answer. Finally, he answered his phone on the second time and he said, "Well?" I said, "I called you didn't I?" He rounded the building and I ran... literally ran into his arms. On March 6th, 2009, he asked me to marry him. Then we got married in front of family and friends on July 11, 2009. Of course we then found out we were pregnant on August 29th, 2010, with our beautiful little girl. She was of course born a month early on April 11, 2011. Now we are going to expect our next child. Tomorrow we found out if we will have another girl or have our first boy. I wish I could go back and calm my twelve year old self. I wish I could tell her that soon she will have the man of her dreams and have a beautiful child. Kendra

Nursery Class

Hey, So I have been teaching Nursery for my church. I have some really great kids in Nursery and I love each and every one of them. Of course some Sunday's are a little challenging then others. I have been in Nursery since Ginny was three months old. Anyways, we just had three of the kids graduate Nursery to go to Sunbeams. I am going to miss those smiling faces every Sunday. I am excited to teach some new ones as they enter Nursery's doors. The Sunday before Christmas, the kids got dressed up as Mary, Joesph, Angels, Shephard, and one Kingsmen. We used Ginny's Cabbage Patch doll as Jesus and a stuffed animal for a sheep. The kids enjoyed dressing up, they are at the right age to like it. It was a nice change for the kids who are ages 18 months to 3 years old. Here is pictures of Ginny, she was the kingsmen. It makes me chuckle but she is so darn cute.
-Kendra