Saturday, August 10, 2013

My Breastfeeding Journey

Hey, November 1-7th is Breastfeeding Week and this month is consider breastfeeding month. I thought I would share my own breastfeeding journey. My journey has been a long difficult one at that. It all started when I was young watching my two sisters nurse their own babies. I saw how well my nieces and nephews were and the connections my sisters had with their children. I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my own children. All of my pregnancy with Ginny, I prepared to breastfeeding never realizing that I would have struggles. I had a perfect pregnancy with very little struggles. I had an emergency c-section at 36 weeks and 6 days in my pregnancy because of pre-e. She came out sound asleep. She was a very sleepy baby with lots of little issues. She had blood sugar problems, large red blood cells, and low oxygen levels. I tried to nurse her in recovery but she would not latch. The nurse said to give her time. But when I was doing skin to skin with her a nurse yanked her from my arms to prick her foot to find her blood sugar was low. Without even asking me she stuck a bottle in my daughter's mouth to give her sugar water. I yelled out that I wanted no bottles as i was trying to breastfeed. The nurse then yelled back at me saying something along the lines of did I want my daughter to die. Soon my daughter was transfered to the best children's hospital to be monitored as her things were pilling up. I was also released from the hospital not even 36 hours after my c-section. The children's hospital had a LC on hand to help me over and over try to nurse my baby. I was pumping non stop and would try to nurse her every three hours for an hour. It was a struggle. I was told by my daughter's nurses and doctors and the LC that they have never seen a mom try so hard to nurse. I powered on. She was given formula in a tube through her nose to stomach so not to ruin my chance. Finally, I had to try to nurse then give her a bottle so that we would be able to go home. I would spend every three hours, trying to latch my daughter to the breast for 30 minutes or more. Then I would give her a bottle of formula then I would put her down to pump for 30 min. to an hour to get only half an ounce from both sides. It was like this for four months and I would often end pumping and end up crying as little milk I was getting. I was drinking the mother's milk tea, eating oatmeal, and doing everything I could. When my daughter was four months, I admitted to myself that I had no bond with my daughter as I was barely with her other then to try to nurse her. At four months I was getting barely .20 ounces out of each breast. I told my mom through tears about the pain. I told her that I felt like Ginny was no my child but someone elses that I was babysitting for. I decided right then that if I wanted a relationship with my daughter I needed to stop trying to breastfeed. I then admitted it to my husband who understood. Even after I decided to stop pumping and stop trying to breastfeed. Each bottle of formula my daughter took I would cry. I still struggle even after 2 years with the fact that I could not nurse my daughter. When I got pregnant with my second, I told everyone that I was going to try to breastfeed this baby. I knew it was not going to be easy but I was going to try. This pregnancy was the same but still hard. Though, at the end I ended up with some problems. I almost had him at 35 weeks with the fact my blood pressure was high, and low fluids. Though, everything stable before we went in to a c-section. I was able to hold off to have him at 37 weeks and 1 day. The c-section when great, and he even awake when he was delievered. As soon as we went to recovery I was able to try to nurse. He latched on like a pro and was nursing right off the bat. I was in tears to know that I was doing this. Nursing with Miles is amazing. He nurses so great and it's been an amazing experience. I love the feeling of being close to him. I of course pump and have a good supply up for when I am at school. I know it's not going to be easy, but we are doing this. I just keep saying that I am one day farther then I was with Ginny. I have to say though my journey was not easy but I did it and still doing it.