Wednesday, May 26, 2010

My Thoughts on Father's Day

So I like to talk about serious subjects at times on my blog. Stephen very little knows what I type about. I tend to let things go but things that go through my mind. Like lately it's about father's. Father Day is coming up and everyone in the United States celebrate it I don't know about other countries. Father Day is important for children and wives to show their love and to remember how much the father has been doing for the family. I never really had much of a father growing up. It's kind of weird growing up without a father to tell the truth. Sure to have me made there was a man involved but he's a creep and a plain no body. But the truth I never really got that much experience in being round a real father.
Except last year when my future father-in-law had everyone over. But it was really weird the first father day that I went through. I am usually one of those people that hide on father's day and tell everyone come and get me when it's over. Last year was hard for me. I watched my in-law siblings and their father enteract. I felt like I was on the back burner. I felt odd and really out of place in their living room. I do recall I even cried because I picked up a book about what a father does for his kids. It made realize that I missed out on a lot of things. This father's day will even be hard. For the reason that Stephen will want to go home for his father which we should go. But i will be feeling awkard. Stephen doesn't understand my feelings. He just says, " you have a father." Yeah, but I don't have those experiences that you celebrate. I can't hide anymore...I have to celebrate father's day.
It will be different when Stephen and I have kids. Because then as a wife I will get the pleasure in celebrating father's day with my husband who is a father creating our own memories. I guess...till then I will have to suffer.


Thursday, May 20, 2010


Man it's been so far not as a busy summer but then again Stephen and I didn't have a car to go anywhere. But the summer we have planned isn't all that busy anyways. We planned to go to Manhatten to see my sister Christy and her family a couple times this summer and watch my niece Abriana and nephew Calvin play baseball. Also watch Abbi grow and hit all of her first which I expect a lot will be this summer. But also take a trip to Olathe to see the rest of the family. Also go to my nephew Dallas baseball games in Gardner. Then in August the weekend before school starts we will be headed to Michigan my whole family to see my cousin Ronnie get married to the love of his life Karyn. It's been amazing to just relax this summer. But also i am going to work on getting healthy and geting a routaine in place for when school comes back.
Oh did I say that we finally have a car. It's a neat car other then now the drivers side window won't roll up. Opps. But it's really neat and it makes me feel like we have money. But it's a nice car and really comfy to be in and the blinkers work. Hopefully though no one will back up into in this car. Hopefully...
So...I have been working on Stephen's present for our anniversery. We don't have money so...been making it. It's been amazing that it's almost our first wedding anniversery. Lately I keep trying to figure out why he picked me. Because in my eyes I am not beautiful and I am not anything to look at. Last night it dawned on me that I never had the for sure thing that he will not leave me for someone better. I actually had several nightmares about it last night.
This morning Stephen told me why he chose me and it made me feel so lucky to have a husband like him. We have been through our ups and downs in our relationship but sometimes you have to go through that to get to where we are now. I do hope though that my present will show him how much love I put through it. I really do hope he will like it.


Saturday, May 15, 2010

When You Say Nothing At All

I was just thinking today that Stephen and I have been married for a little over ten months. It's been amazing to think of that. It's an amazing experience to wake up in the morning and see him sleeping beside me. How when I gave him a kiss goodbye in the mornings he always wakes up to say he loves me before drifting off to sleep. Then getting home from school for lunch and him having lunch ready even though he was doing other things. The way he gives me a hug right when I enter the door a hug that seems like he missed me so much in those little hours. To see his suprise to see me sitting outside waiting for him to come home at one o'clock in the morning even though it's freezing outside. Those little text messages while he's at work saying, "I Love you."

It's been amazing ten months and to see how much we came through to get to where we are it's amazing. I always knew he was the one for me since I was twelve years old and I think I made the right choice.


Wednesday, May 12, 2010

I have a Problem.

So my problem is when I don't like something I don't always voice it. Like some of the things that my in-laws say that I don't voice my own opionion scared and nervous to say much. I have known them forever and that shouldn't be right for me. But it's true. Like the other time we were there staying for a weekend. Stephen got a brillent idea to design our dream house and things we like. Well...I found a site that lets you design different houses. But the problem is...his mother came over and started to talk about things she recomended that we do. I held back saying things that I didn't like and didn't want in the dream house. I stepped away from the whole thing. I am not sure why I do this but I do with my friends. When we start to argue I just change the subject not wanting to voice my ideas. There's only two people that I do that with Stephen and my friend Sarah.

But even then I don't do it with Stephen. I have to write down my thoughts when we have fights and why I flipped and went angry beast. Because I am not good with experessing my feelings in words but I can through writing on a paper.


Tuesday, May 11, 2010

10 Months!!!!

I can't believe it's been ten months since the wedding before long it will be our first anniversery. It's amazing though to see the changes that it brought. The time at the wedding we thought that we had one more month then we would be apart till the summer since I would be living in the dorms and him staying in Olathe. Who knew that we couldn't be not together and we would live with each other in September. It's been amazing. Of course like every marriage there has been the ups and the downs but we reached each hurdle. I couldn't have made it to finals week if he wasn't by my side pushing me along. I wouldn't have all the A's this semister either. It's been a wonderful 10 months.