Thursday, December 24, 2009

A Story I wrote to Family and Friends

Family’s Secrets

Noel smiled as Micheal laid a couple of blankets on the ground in the park. Noel looked up and watched the snow fall around them as it was the first snow fall of the season. He then touched her hand and helped Noel sit on the blanket. He then reached behind him and pressed play on the jukebox as songs that they said that were there songs. He then took out warm soup and hot chocolate for them to eat while they ate, “So why outside,” Noel asked warmly.
“Because I saw that we had a ninety chance of snow tonight and I know how much you love snow,” Micheal said nervously, “Why is it not right?”
“No, it’s perfect.” Noel watched Micheal as they both often sang along with the songs that played. After their meal was done Micheal stood up and took Noel’s hand, “Dance with me?”
“Of course.” Noel stood and wrapped her arms around Micheal’s neck as they danced to the music. Noel could feel the snow touch her face and smiled knowing the night was perfect. Micheal then said, “I wanted tonight to be perfect. Because I know your leaving tomorrow for your grandfathers and I know how hard the holidays are because of your parents car accident when you were young.”
“Thank you, it’s perfect.” Noel dreaded leaving tomorrow as much as he dreaded her going. Learning how to inventory toys was no fun around this time. It was the busiest time of her grandfather’s business until after Christmas when it slowly will start to build again until next Christmas. Noel remembered how she never saw her father on Christmas eve because he was helping her grandfather but he was always back in the morning. Micheal watched Noel’s facial reaction, “You don’t look like your thrilled to go.”
“You can say that. But lets not let it ruin tonight when we are together.” Noel smiled as she pulled in closer to Micheal for his warmth. She glanced up at the sky and opened her mouth for the fresh snow to fall into. She heard Micheal chuckling, “You’re like a child when it comes to snow.”
“Yeah, it’s so pure and so beautiful when it falls.” Noel smiles so lightly that Micheal couldn’t believe how lucky he was to find this beautiful entrancing young women. She had long pure black hair that will curl around any finger among it. Her eyes are light blue that twinkle if you catch it just right. Her nose was small and delicate like a button that Micheal loved kissing it.

A song started to play on the cd player that Noel didn’t know at all. She started to listen to the words when she realized that her and Micheal weren’t dancing. She was amazed on how busy her thoughts were when it came to him. She glanced at him to find him down on the ground in kneeling position. When he noticed that she was looking at him he smiled up at her. Noel’s heart skipped a beat as he reached into his jacket to pull out a box. She started to remember the little signs that this was coming the way that he pulled her grandfather aside when her grandparents visit and even the way he was hinting that she shouldn’t go home for the holidays but stay there. He opened the box and Noel bit her lip to try not from crying but felt the tears gather in her eyes. “Noel Elaine Kringle, you have been everything in my life so far. I never expected to find you when I transferred schools. But you always seemed to be full of surprised,” Micheal chuckled trying to gather his own tears which were falling gently down his face, “But I want to share my life with you and no one else. I have started to dream about our future together. I want to keep dreaming of it. Will you marry me?”

Noel took a deep breath to try and push some of her emotions back. She remembered talking to her grandmother about this moment. Her grandmother and mother never knew of the family secret of the Kringles they just knew about the man in front of them. Noel took Micheal’s hand and helped him stand then said, “I want to say yes, but…”
“No buts…” Micheal said looking deep in her eyes.
“But you need to see something first.” Noel said taking the box gently then she said, “I promise you that if you are okay with what I am going to show you then you can place this ring on my finger.”

Micheal let out a small smile when he saw that Noel opened her purse and took out two jingle bells. She looked back at him and smiled gently, “Don’t get to freaked out, please.” She rang the bells lightly then put them back in her purse. Micheal looked at her with a questioning look. Trying to figure out if Noel was insane or not. She gently pointed up at the sky, “It might be a few minutes before they get here.”
“What gets here?”
“A couple of pets,” Noel looked at him then said, “My grandfather is not normal, Micheal. He’s different kind of guy.”
“I have met your grandfather he seems pretty normal.” Micheal remembered asking him for permission to marry his granddaughter. The man looked at Micheal like he knew all about him before hand. He then asked a question that was if Micheal believed in Santa Claus which Micheal thought was really strange. Noel looked at him then said, “You shall see that he’s not normal. I am not normal as well.”

Micheal heard bells ringing and glanced at Noel thinking it was coming from her when he saw that it wasn’t. He glanced at the sky and saw something flying towards them with full speed. When it got closer he saw that it was two reindeers with a sleighed they were pulling behind them. They landed in front of Noel and she smiled. She then walked slowly up to the reindeers and said, “Good girls, getting better at the landing.” She glanced at Micheal who was still standing there with his mouth open, “Micheal this is Daisy and this is Snow.”
“Am I dreaming?” Micheal said pinching his arms. Noel laughed and shook her head no that he was not dreaming. He gently walked towards the reindeers trying not to get hurt. “They won’t hurt you. They have been through several trainings. They are still working on their landing,” Noel said petting the one she said was Snow. Snow had a white head while Daisy looked like a regular deer. Micheal gently petted Daisy who leaned her head into his hand, “They liked to be petted. It’s an award for them.”
“How did you do that?”
“Easy, I just took the bells and rung them. They can hear them from a long ways off and can get here very quickly.” Noel smiled as she watched Micheal keep petting Daisy,
“Ready to go?”
“Go where…”
“Go to my grandfather’s house,” Noel said slowly. Micheal looked at her scared then she said, “Don’t worry they passed their flying lessons.” She helped put everything in the sleigh and then climbed in waiting for Micheal to hop in.
Micheal walked slowly to the sleigh and then said, “Where is it at?”
“It’s pretty far, we can’t walk.” Micheal got into the sleigh seeing he had no choice but to follow Noel. She then said, “We do have to cross some oceans to get there.” His shocked face caused Noel to laugh and then she said, “On Daisy On Snow lets hit the skies.”
Micheal closed his eyes as they rose and when he finally opened them he saw they were far into the clouds. He looked down and saw that several people were turning on the Christmas lights of their houses. He glanced at Noel and realized that she was a natural in the sleigh. He watched her navigate the reindeer with ease not having to figure out where they were heading. He sat back and watched her take control, every once and awhile she would glance at him and smile.
Noel was full of nerves, she was taking Micheal to see the place where she grew up at. Many times he asked her if he could see where she grew up and she always made an excuse. She was nervous on what he would say and how people would react with her bringing him home. She knew that she would need a supportive guy by her side to accomplish the things she must accomplish. It’s not easy to barely see your wife or husband around the holidays. It’s not easy to answer the questions your children will ask as they get older knowing they are different then their friends. How Noel didn’t understand why she never saw her dad the night before Christmas. He was always busy with things with her grandfather. Her grandfather is getting old where soon he won’t be going on his trips much anymore. He had to pass it along to someone but how will Micheal take it. As she drew the reindeer north she said, “It’s amazing how fast you can go in the air.”
“Yeah, no speeding tickets up here,” Micheal said, “Noel, I had no idea.”
“About?” Noel said looking at him. She knows her grandmother will love Micheal. She never had left the house and she loves visitors. But she loved hearing stories about Micheal and Noel can’t wait for her grandmother to spoil someone else. Her grandmother isn’t the same after Noel’s father’s death. She has been saying that she feels lost and a half of her has disappeared from her. She glanced at Micheal who tries to come up with an answer he opened his mouth, “Well, about you being able to fly reindeer.”
“Yeah, I keep that a secret.”
Noel saw the light on the house below with a smile. She felt the gentle peace that came over her as she gently lowered the sleigh and the reindeer on the ground. She saw that the lights in all the houses around it were on as well. It seems like everyone got a hold of news that Noel was coming home tonight rather then in the morning. Noel stepped out of the sleigh and petted each reindeer on the head then said to them, “I expect Mossy will be in the stable for you.”
She helped Micheal out of the sleigh and took his hand, “Do you know where we are?”
“Not a clue, but it’s really cold.” Micheal said shivering. Noel touched his coat and then said, “Warm.” Soon the fibers of the coat start to warm up and Micheal glanced at Noel with a look of shock, “I gave you that coat remember.”
“Yeah…” Micheal glanced around and saw tons of houses and warehouses around the little village. He saw no fast food restaurant that he recognized and no Wal-Mart either. He glanced at Noel who was watching him with a crooked smile, “Micheal, welcome to the North Pole.”
As soon as the words left her mouth the whole town lit up as well as the street lamps. Noel let out a small chuckle as she watched the child come out of her boyfriend. His eyes were wide and slightly moist as if he was waiting for this moment his whole life. His mouth hung open in shock and excitement at the sight before him. The house behind him opened it doors and he heard a man say, “Noel, I thought you weren’t coming till tomorrow.”
Micheal turned around to see Noel’s grandpa standing in the door frame. The man had a full round belly while his eyes matched that of his granddaughter. His beard was full and white as was his hair. He looked over to where Micheal was and smiled, “Well, by golly I didn’t think I would be seeing you with her, Micheal.”
Noel turned to look at Micheal who had closed his mouth but she saw that he was shocked as ever as to what he was seeing. Her normal grandpa didn’t seem so normal to him now as she could tell. “Grandpa, I had to bring him where’s grandma.”
“She’s in the kitchen, about to putting dinner on the table I presume.” Noel took Micheal’s hand and literally dragged him into the house. She then stood him inside and gently took off his coat and then his hat while saying, “I hope I didn’t shock you too much.”
“Your grandpa is…he is…”
“Santa Claus,” Noel said with a smile. She couldn’t wait to explain to him that she had no idea until her parents car accident. Her parents wanted her to grow up normal as it goes through the male line. They never thought she would be the next in line they thought that her mom was perhaps pregnant with a boy who would be following her father’s footsteps. Micheal looked at her with a smile, “I can’t believe it.”
“That’s alright. It will sink in trust me.” Micheal noticed that Noel was excited to share this secret with him more then ever. To share the secret with anyone in her life and he noticed that lately every Christmas since going out with her he had gotten exactly what he wanted for Christmas. He shook his head as he heard a lady answer, “Honey who flew in?”
“Your granddaughter and her boyfriend,” the man answered back. A second latter Micheal felt his arms pinned to his sides as an older lady hugged him, “Welcome to our home Micheal.”
“Micheal, this is my grandmother Holly Kringle,” Noel said then said, “Grandma don’t smother him.” Micheal breathed in deep and smiled at the older women. She smiled back and then said, “Noel, why don’t you guys go wash up and talk. Food will be on the table at seven.”
“Okay,” Noel said she then took Micheal’s hand and dragged him upstairs. When he walked up the stairs he saw pictures after pictures of men in red suits. He looked at Noel then said, “Are these past Santa Claus?”
“Yeah, and some of their children.” Noel walked down to the last picture and stopped in front of it, “That’s my parents.” Micheal saw the smile of Noel’s was on her mother’s face. He noticed that her hair came from her father who was still skinning in the picture. Her mother though sprouted a little belly in the picture while the little girl was standing in between them. The little girl looked at the camera with a sad look but her eyes made Micheal laugh as they said she was very happy to be there at that moment, “Your mom was pregnant.”
“Yeah, take two days before the car accident. It was going to go on our Christmas cards,” Noel said with a small smile, “A little boy she carried due to be born the on Christmas eve. For saw to be the greatest Santa ever.”
Micheal heard the resent in her voice when he realized that being Santa was passed on from father to son no matter what. He then looked at Noel and said, “So what happens when your Grandfather can’t fly anymore.”
“Then I take his place. I will be the first girl Santa in history not that’s wonderful and all. But I won’t get recognized for it,” Noel said looking at the picture, “See why you needed to see this before.”
“Yeah,” Micheal said, “I’ll marry the first Santa Claus.”
“No, you will be the picture behind the magic that I put in.” Micheal glanced at her then it dawned on him. He will have to be the one who gets the experiences of being Santa while she who is really is gets to experience being Mrs. Claus. “I am sorry, Noel.”
“It’s fine,” Noel said as they walked into her room. Micheal saw that Noel’s room was a teenage girls room. But it was full of dark colors instead of the bright colors. He smiled knowing what she was like before he asked her out so long ago, “You have changed in the two years we have been going out.”
“Yeah, not so depressing any more.” Noel said with a smile, “So are you still willing to marry me?”
“Yes,” Micheal said getting down on one knee in front of Noel, “Because you are still the same person that I fell in love with. This just will make our lives more excited. I love you Noel. Will you now marry me?”
“Yes,” Noel said getting the ring put on her finger. She noticed it was her mother’s engagement ring. She glanced at Micheal with a question in her eyes.
“I asked your grandfather the first time I met him,” Micheal then added, “Because I knew the ring had to be special and important to you.”

Christmas Eve 2012
Noel walked down the stairs to see her grandfather relaxing in a chair, “Comfy Grandpa?”
“Yes, I am,” He sighed, “Everything is ready to leave in two hours. Noel remember you need to leave in two hours on the dot.”
“I know,” Noel said with a smile, “Have you seen Micheal?”
“He is in the workshop, he’s working on something for his family for Christmas.”
“I know what he’s making they will be totally surprised when they get up tomorrow,” Noel said with a smile. She walked over to the mantle where her wedding picture sat. Micheal and her had a huge smile on their faces. She remembered how much she wished her parents could be there to see that moment. She couldn’t believe that they got married on Christmas a year ago. She took a deep breath nervous about her first night as the Santa Claus in charge, “Grandpa, do you think I will be good.”
“You will be fine. Micheal and you can get it done and everything. The elves are getting ready to leave to get everything prepared so you should be fine,” Her grandpa looked at his watch nervous about this night as was everyone else. It was the first night for the female Santa Claus. She heard the front door open and saw the little head of the head elves, “Mrs. Kringle, it’s time to get ready.”
“Right you are Maisy, thank you.” Noel smiled at her Grandpa who looked around the room for something, “Not going to be too bored, Grandpa?”
“I’ll try not too. I’ll see you tomorrow. Be safe, Love.” Noel headed to the stable where she was being put into her outfit. She had to change it slightly so she wouldn’t look too odd if a child wakes up in the middle of the night. Micheal and her thing would say to them was, “Santa and Mrs. Claus thought to go together this time.”
Noel stepped into the dress which was bright red with sparkles all over it. Her belly protruded out of the dress and Noel chuckled, that she would be the first Santa that is pregnant on Christmas Eve. She patted her stomach and said, “Wait until tomorrow when we are home please.”
“Talking to the baby, I see,” Micheal said walking into the stable. He couldn’t believe how beautiful his wife was standing there getting ready to go on her first Christmas Eve. She smiled, “Are you upset that you are not going with?”
“No, this is your moment,” Micheal said looking at his wife. He touched her stomach and then said, “Remember any pains contact us.”
“Micheal, don’t see there is an outfit for you. Your coming with, didn’t I tell you,” Noel chuckled, “I am not spending my wedding anniversary and Christmas Eve without you by my side.” Noel smiled at him and then watched him quickly get ready, “You did get the present done for your family.”
“Yeah,” Micheal said, “Last minute. When do we leave?”
“You leave in just little over an hour, Mr. Wright,” Mimsy said. Noel nodded to her as they walked to see the reindeer which are already harnessed. Noel looked over them all and nodded to the elves that they were good. She then walked to the town square where both her grandparents stood with all the elves running towards. Noel then walked to the mike and said, “This is my first Christmas Eve as Santa Claus. I bless all of you to have a wonderful Christmas with your families. I shall see you all back to work on the tenth of January as we have a list of kids to get presents for next year.” She then lit the tree and Micheal smiled as the elves started to get excited for their holiday which is much needed.
Micheal and Noel sat in the sleigh and she went through the famous reindeer names and then off they went into the sky. Micheal leaned back and watched Noel be in charge of the direction as she started towards their first house. Noel smiled and then said, “Tomorrow night we go to your parents house, right?”
“Yeah, I told them we would stop by. They want to see how big you have gotten with their first granddaughter.”
Noel chuckled then said, “You didn’t tell them that I was pregnant with twins did you?”
“Nope,” Micheal laughed, “Their present will be a surprise.” As the neared their first house Noel took a deep breath and then said, “This is it.”
She landed a perfect landing on the house top at the same time Micheal watched two elves pop out of the snow and give her a thumbs up then climb off the roof most likely to go to their next house. She slowly stepped out of the sleigh. Which Micheal grabbed something out of his pocket, “I want to do something real quick.” He took out a camera and snapped a picture of his Santa Claus. He watched her grabbed the bag and climbed down into the fireplace. Soon she was back next to him flying to the next house.
After their last house without a creature stirring but some out of bed. Which Noel gently placed back into their beds she took the sleigh up in the sky and yelled with her first, “Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Goodnight.”
Noel gave birth to healthy twins the day after Christmas and named them Anna and Kristopher. She also started to make a new sleigh where her twins can join her every year on the ride around the world in one night as well as her husband Micheal. Micheal’s parents opened their present from Santa which said, “What’s better then one grandchild then two.” Then had a family tree of their family that will magically change every time a child is born into the family. They still have no idea how it happens even years later. When the twins get older they find their place in the normal world but always claim they know Santa Claus and it’s a female. Noel has never been found out to be a female Santa Claus and she’s not upset about it.
The End

Dear Family and Friends,
I usually never let people read my stories and I thought why not write a Christmas story of some sort for Christmas. I hope you enjoyed reading it as I have enjoyed writing it for you. Sorry about the grammar errors and some plot problems. I didn’t have time to edit the story like I would have liked. I am hoping to make a longer piece of this story later on so I’ll pass it along when I do.
Thanks for being supportive of Stephen and I through this past year. We love everyone of you and are glad to have you guys in our lives.


Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Goals

Long time no see, I mean really it’s been long. Sorry that I haven’t written in her in awhile. Things have gotten hectic with school but not to worry I am done with school for the semester things will start back up in January. So this past semester has been pretty bad with school and that I have been struggling to lose weight. It’s been a stressful semester but it’s time to put this past semester behind me and to move on. There is nothing that I can do because all my finals have been taken care of so it’s done with. Next semester I am going to try better. I am going to make a schedule that I am going to stick by no matter what. This winter break is my time to just relax and get ready for next semester because it’s just going to be as bad as this past one was. But I am not going to let it stop me from being here.
I want to lose weight. I want to be healthy. I want Stephen to realize that he married a beautiful wife who has put her effort in looking beautiful for him. I want to dress up and feel beautiful and feel like I am something for someone to be worth looking at. I can’t feel that until I get this weight off of me. But it’s not only that but my health is something that needs to be fixed. I can’t have knee surgery until I get this weight off of my joints. I want to be able to not have to worry about keeping weight off of me or if I will be able to fit in any clothes coming each season. When Stephen and I started to weight loss competition with my sister we were ready to work at it and go for it. Stephen is dropping weight which I am so happy about for him. I am getting out my normal 227 pounds to be around 220 which I am praying will change this break. I am hoping that I can get it to drop below 220. I have had enough being in the two hundreds. I am done…so now I am going to go and lose weight.
So far Stephen and I have lost only one week which we are grateful for. Stephen can actually left me off my feet for a little while. I am so happy that he can He told me that he started to notice that my thighs are smaller and that he can actually pick me up. We joke what will happen when I lose more weight. Will he be able to carry me like a bride cross the door. We are excited to find out the things that we can do. Also we are heading out in the first week of January on our honeymoon. I really can’t wait after what we have gone through this semester. With him behind unemployed and now working a hard job on barely any money in return. It will be worth it when we go. We won’t do much while we are there but we don’t mind. We love just being together even if it’s sitting in bed watching a television program. It’s something that both of us enjoy doing. So it will be nice to just relax.

Well I need to go…

Saturday, November 28, 2009


So to catch up on everything. Stephen and I got the swine flu which left both of us behind on everything. My mom was so nice to come down and take care the two of us because we were using all of our strength in taking care of each other. Which left me a week without school and struggling ever since to get caught up. So I decided that my life in Nanowrimo kind of took a back burner. I felt horrible in doing that but I haven't been in the mood to be writing much anymore. Anyways so I am trying to catch up with school. Stephen started his job at walmart. The only bad thing is he works from four pm. to one am in the morning so I don't get to see him as much as I would like on some days.
Stephen had to work Thanksgiving which left me by myself on Thanksgiving for the first time I had no one to really share it with. I couldn't remember the last time my own family had a thanksgiving dinner. So my mom bought Stephen and I a whole thanksgiving dinner the Saturday before hand so that we could have a semi Thanksgiving dinner. The day before Thanksgiving, Stephen cooked the turkey before work. So on Thanksgiving we invited my friend Sam's boyfriend Wolfgang to thanksgiving lunch at our house. We ate a lot and I made my famous pumpkin pie. We then talk and Stephen left for work. Wolfgang and I played halo for awhile beating it which I am proud to say. All in all it was a pretty good Thanksgiving.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

My Week So Far

So this past weekend has been busy. On Friday, Stephen had his suprise birthday party. I thought it would be nice for me to convince his friends to come and hang out at our place. His friends, Peter, Richard, and Stephen B. came. Terrel who was the one who helped me for the most part couldn't come which was a bummer. We played halo till midnight which Stephen had to head home. Peter & Richard slept out in the living room. Let me tell you they all snore. On Saturday we had breakfast said goodbyes to the guys. I then called my sister and invited her and her family to dinner that night. Well my sister Christy and her two kids came and stayed the night. Since her husband, Scott, is sick with the flu. Saturday night we played halo with my nephew Calvin and niece Abriana. Then we watched two things of Ghost Hunters. On Sunday, we had some breakfast played a little of halo. Then had a huge lunch that Stephen made from scratch. Then we went to the zoo spent an hour or so. We then treated ourselves to dairy queen ice cream.Finally, Christy and the kids left to go home.

Stephen and I spent time with each other. But later it got the feeling I was feeling got worse. I had a massive headache. Yesterday, when Stephen and I woke up we both had running noses and sore throats. Slowly through the day it got worse. That when I got home from lunch we both took a nap, I cuddled up against Stephen and slept. I went to my last class for the day which was what I am writing the story for. My chapter was up for a critique. I hate it when it is up for critiques because I feel like they are attacking my baby. They were harsh and cruel in their critiques which they wanted to pretty much change my plot. They want me to use less violence and use first person. When I left class I was in tears. I hate getting critiques for the fact that they are never about what went well in the chapter or piece.
Well, I need to get Nanowrimo done.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Chapter One -Class Novel

Ella heard the familiar rattle of engine and listened as it turned the corner down the street. Within seconds she was out of her chair and the light of her bedroom was out. All the lights in the house went out and Ella sat on her bed looking out the window hoping beyond hoping that tonight there would be no problems. She watched the headlights dance across her walls. She then heard the dead silence as she knew what might await her that night. She jumped when she heard the car door slam and then the crunch of the boots hitting the gravel below. She pulled her teddy bears into her arms as the keys jingled outside.
Ella took a deep breath as the harsh male voice rang up, “ELLA!” Ella kept silent hoping beyond hoping that he would think of her sound asleep in her bed like she was suppose to. Her eyes glanced at her bag on the floor knowing that tonight her homework might not be done for class the next day. “ELLA ARNIA!” Ella held her breath trying to stay silent as possible knowing that if she doesn’t answer soon it will be worse when he found her. But then again it will give her more time without the pain and the tears. She heard his heavy boots hit the wooden stairs below knowing that he was coming near to her.
The clunk of each step sent a chill down her spine knowing that he was getting closer to her. Ella looked at her door hoping that for once he would just leave her alone. For once he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. For once he will think of how much her brothers loved her and how much he loved her. Ella watched the door handle turn on the door and soon the door opened to his blood shot eyes looking at her. His hair looked like it wasn’t combed for months and Ella wasn’t even sure if she ever saw him comb it. His pants had stains and all kind of holes that Ella wondered how in the world his job wasn’t complaining of the mess. She wasn’t even sure if he was working anymore. She saw in his hand that he already had a beer bottle knowing once again tomorrow she would have to clean up his mess downstairs. The look on his face sent the pure terror through her heart through it also gave her strength to stand up against him. Ella sat there looking at him in the eye hoping beyond hoping that he would just turn around and leave.
“Dad?” Ella spoke quietly. He stood there looking into her room as if he had no idea what he was doing in her room. Slowly a smile went across his face and he then walked to where she sat. Ella slowly backed up against the wall behind her but not quick enough as soon he had her hair wrapped around his hand in a strong gripe. “Where were you,” he said through clenched teeth. Ella looked at him trying to wonder if she should stand her ground or back down. Slowly he kept winding her hair more and more around his hand finally after feeling like her head was about to be whipped off she said, “I was up here in my room.”
“No…” He then grabbed her arm to yank her off the bed which Ella felt like her arm was about to be pulled out of the socket. She stood next to him when he unwindded her hair and she stood there trying not to show any tears of the pain. He then repeated, “Where were you?”
“Dad, I was right here in my room the whole time.” He then slammed her in the door of the bedroom which Ella felt like shards of wood went into her back. She looked up at him as he walked closer towards her, “Stand up, Bitch.”
Ella sat there trying not to cry out in pain. He walked towards her and repeated, “Stand up, Bitch.” When he grabbed her hair to pull her to standing position which Ella knew from the pain that he was pulling out a clump of hair out of her head. Then with one hand he held her by her hair and with the other he slammed his fist into her stomach and said, “Who were you with?”
“Don’t lie to me.” He then punched her again where Ella felt the air knocked out of her. He then slammed her against the door again which she heard a loud crack and she wasn’t positive if it was the door or even her spine breaking. He then grabbed her hand in both hands and banged it against the wall next to her hard. Ella felt the pain shoot up and knew that she might not be going to school tomorrow.
He then looked at her in the eye and Ella was positive she saw the man who once was the loving father of triplets. The man that held her in his arms and wiped her tears away from her face telling her that her brothers will leave her alone some day. Now, he was the one who was creating the bruises on her body and slowly making her spirit fall apart. He then said slowly, “I want to kill you slowly and painfully.” Ella closed her eyes as the tears started to fill her eyes. She then said, “Please do it now.” He then let her go and opened the door behind her and left the room.
Ella slide down the wall knowing that he would be back later after he had time to gather his thoughts. She knew the next room he was going into would be her brothers room to sit there and build his anger against her again. She glanced at the picture on her wall facing her which was a picture of her and her brothers. She then muttered, “It’s all your fault you know.”
Ella awoke when the light touched her face from the windows to her bedroom. She slowly realized that the pain in her body was worse then it had been for awhile. She slowly tried to raise herself from the ground and realized that her hands were covered in blood as well as the floor around her. She looked around trying to remember if anything else happened that she might have forgot. She remembered when her father came home but she couldn’t remember anything else. Slowly she stood up and literally had to hold on to the wall for support as she felt her legs were held on only by a stitch. As she made her way to her bathroom, her eyes hit the full length mirror.
Her hair was drenched in blood that Ella could only think of it as her own. She then took notice that her face was swollen that there was no way that she would be showing her face at school. Too many questions that would be needed to answered. She slowly raised her blood soaked t-shirt to find that her body was shown in purple spots. Ella slowly glanced around the room behind her to see if there was anything that might have been used to find two metal baseball bats that were covered in blood. One was Joshua and the other was her brothers Jonathan. Ella closed her eyes to block out the pain she was feeling and the terror. Her father has never used a weapon and never had made her blackout from the pain. She couldn’t remember what happened and she shook her head. She slowly went into the bathroom and slowly peeled her clothes off of her trying to ignore the pain. She then grabbed the pain medicine and took three of the pills without water knowing that it was going to take forever to take even a smidge of pain away. She then slowly used the wall for help on the balance as she stood in the tub. She then pulled the curtain closed and yelled her breath when the cold water hit her skin. Ella felt like her skin was on fire as the water seared her skin.
Slowly the water that hit the tub went from red to pink and Ella took notice of the damage. She realized that half the pain was because her arm was out of it’s socket, most likely because her father held her so he could hit her more quickly. She slowly realized that her chest was swollen which Ella had a feeling a couple of the ribs are broken or crack.
Ella turned off the water and slowly walked into her room and realized that she would have to call her school so her father had no idea about her not going. She realized as she looked at her past bruises which were littered her body in blues and greens she knew soon bright purple ones will litter her body. She slowly pulled sweats on her body and pulled her hair up as she worked her arm into it’s socket.
She then made her way to her desk to look up what to look for certain injuries. To make sure for one that she didn’t have a eternal bleeding. As she sat there waiting for her computer to boot up she glanced at the picture. She saw the huge smile on her brothers faces each with their hands on her shoulders. They were the famous trio in their school, she was the head cheerleader as a junior. Jonathan was the star football quarterback on varsity as a junior and Joshua was the star pitcher which surprised everyone. The three of them were marked for destiny and a good college even though all three of them. She noticed that even now that night was the last night they were triplets. It was the night that Joshua was killed in the car accident.
Ella opened up the top drawer and saw the news article laying there about Jonathans suscide and how her family was hurting once again. She then realized that all the kings men and kings horses couldn’t put her brother back again as his best friend died. No one was worried about her and what she was going through without her older brothers. No one thought once that it would be hard for the youngest of the triplets. She glanced up at the pictures and then said, “They still don’t care.”

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


So being married is wonderful. I am enjoying everything we do and things we do every night. We go to bed about ten thirty and as we fall asleep we watch Conan. Which litterally we always fall asleep by the time the song act comes on. We have been following that pretty well. Everything just follows the schedule that we make sometime it changes a bit but usually it stays right on track through. But Stephen and I are planning to start reading together a book. I think it will be fun to read together and when we do plan to have children then we will make it earlier and read a book as a family. Who knows i might get Stephen to read the Harry Potter books. Well, I'll write more tomorrow. It's about bed time and time for Conan.


Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Weigh In

Things have been pretty busy with midterms right around the corner. But other then that of all of school. Stephen and I have been to our hometown once since we moved here. Its strange going back to our family homes and knowing that we don't live there. Even hung out with a view friend that weekend. My nephew Dallas broke his leg in his first soccer game so Stephen and I made sure to stop by my sisters to give him a card and to see him. He will be in a full leg for four weeks and a half cast for four weeks. But we are really lucky that it never hit his growth plate.
The past weekend we went to my sister Christy's house to spend the time with my sister and her family. She announced that she was eighteen weeks along. Also I got to spend time with them and it was a whole lot of fun. I will have sixteen nieces and nephews which is totally cool.
So as you know I have been trying to lose weight. Well, I made myself some goals that I wanted to make. One of them was to be at 220 by today. Well I didn't make that goal but I am not too dispointed I guess. I am at 221.6 which in truth is pretty cool, I am pretty happy to be even this far.
Well I need some sleep before school tomorrow and to cuddle with my husband. Night.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Dear Arthritis

Now I understand that you are apart of me. But we are having problems, problems that I can't afford to let slide anymore. You are starting to take over my life. Yes, I understand that you have been with me since birth. And I understand that you stayed silent for eleven years. But I need my life and need my future. I need you to step back once and awhile and let me walk next to my husband without feeling your presence in my lower joints. I need you to let me sit in a chair without the fear that my knee will slip out. I want to be able to take notes and know that i can keep up with my professors. Can you give me one day once in awhile? I want the little things like getting quarters out of a vending machine. Is that so much. Arthritis, at night I cry myself to sleep knowing that every day you get worse. The meds to make you slow down effecting my joints would cause me not to have children. I want to be a mother, no thats not right. I feel the need to be a mother. And yet you are destorying that little by little.
Arthritis, we can live together in harmony if you would let me have a day once and awhile. Soon I will lose weight to slow you down and right now I am not feeling guilty.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Labor Day Weekend

So this weekend was very nice. On Friday my sister Necia and her family came over and brought us a love seat which we are both very greatful to have. Because we only had two chairs. We relaxed with them and talked while my niece Maddison drew us pictures and while my nephew Dallas looked at the video games. Dallas and Maddison were selling things for school which we decided to buy something from each to make it fair.
On Saturday, Stephen and I invited our friends Katelyn and Darren over for dinner and video games. They came over and we enjoyed their company. We had a lot of fun playing Mario Party 8 which Darren won. Stephen and I both said that we would have to invite them over more.
On Sunday we had a relaxing day and got things done around the house. On Monday, we spent the morning cleaning the apartment then Sam and Wolfgang came over to just hang out. Sam fixed my eyebrows she did them when we were roommates two years ago. The guys talked and got to know each other more. Another friend came over who lives kiddie corner from Stephen and I. Us girls made chocolate chip cookies and the guys moved on talking about Magic The Gatherering Cards. We then played a round of Mario Party 8 and soon they left. After they left I finished homework that was due Tuesday. I then did thirty minutes on the wii fit. Afterwards I got on one of my favorite websites which is called sparkspeople and logged all my excersing and logged my food for the day. Even after the chocolate chip cookies I still stayed below my calories. Yet today I weighed myself and I am still gaining weight. *sigh* But my goal is following the plan more on the website and work my butt off on getting weight off.
Today, I brought lunch to school to make sure that I can lose weight. Plus, I usually come home for lunch but Stephen started his job today and we only have one key. I get out of class after he gets off work. I need to change my lifestyle to make it work. Because I want to be healthy by my next birthday. So tomorrow I am turning twenty two years old. Last year I used to joke about that I wanted to be married on my twenty-second birthday because it's 09/09/09 then I have my first kid on 10/10/10 and so on so forth. Of course some people actually thought i was telling the truth when I was joking. Because at this time I wasn't dating anyone and I was still very hooked on Stephen. Sure enough Sarah's all mighty prediction that she made in Summer 2008 was this, "Kendra you will get married next summer." came true. I started to date Stephen on October 4th, and was engaged to him on March 6th, then married to him on July 11th. To tell the truth I wouldn't want it any other way. So the rest of the joke won't happen at least hopefully it won't. But people were all surpise the reason. Sure I would love to be a mother but not right now, not while I am still in school trying I mean trying to finish schooling.
Anyways, there is no plans for my birthday which is fine. We don't have the money at the moment anyways. Which also means that this weekend we are staying home the going to our hometown for the festivities of Old Settler's or going to our hometown to watch my sister-in-law Jojo's boyfriend Karl open his mission papers to see where he is going for two years also to celebrate his birthday. Sometimes it stinks in being in a different town from the family.
Though we do get things done and I focus on school it can seem like the same old same old. Though when friends do come over we get the enjoyment of entertaining friends. Like I have an idea of having a wii bowling tournment. Where we have people come over to play wii bowling and eat what is at a normal bowling alley would have. I think it would be a lot of fun and it would be cheeper then going to the bowling alley.
Classes are going good it seems that I have the handle on Survey and Econ. But my test results in Field and Lab will tell me if I need to study my butt off for it. The results should be tomorrow but I rather not know. I rather not know my grade on my birthday. So Stephen gave me the idea to not look at it until the tenth. So that's the plan. This is one reason why I like my birthdays on the weekends.
I have been working on figuring out the plot outlines for my novel. But if you want to read more of my novel and all the plans then you can follow it on my other blog. Well I think I kept you long enough. I must get some things done.

Until Then,

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Future plans

So I was helping someone find a topic to write for their blog. When I told them of an idea. That was to write a letter to their son right now. About what they have been doing and everything they wanted him to know about him and how them (parents) feel about him. She did and she did a great job. So I told her of my idea when I do become a parent. I want to give each of my kids a book when they leave my house to go live on their own. In that book will be letters from me from the day that I found out I was pregnant to the day that I want to stop writing letters. I want to be able to write about how much of a gift they were in my life. I want them to see how I saw them growing up because it will be different. I want them to realize how much I loved them. I have plans to write through out the pregnancy. Then I'll write about the first time I met them. Then little moments that make life special. Their first word, their first walk, their first sleep-over. I want to be able to write about it all in my point of view as a mother. Then when they are feeling like no one loves them or cares about them. They can take the book out and read about someone who does care and love them. When I told Stephen of my idea he just gave me a look. I am a writer and that is how I want to share my gift with our kids.
In other words. School is going pretty well. In my Econ. class i got a 88% on a quiz and was very proud of it. I also found out this week that I have to write a whole novel by the end of the semister...oh dear. Also I had my first exam for my Field and Lab Biology class...didn't feel like I did good.


Monday, August 31, 2009


So we are offically in our new place. On Saturday, we moved into our new apartment. We are no longer living apart from each other. We both were excited when Stephen got the job. But being able to move in an apartment together and us being each other roommates is worth everything. Saturday, my mom, Stephen's dad, and Peter moved us from Stephen's parents house and my dorm room into the apartment. My mom and Peter both helped us unpack our things which we treated them to yummy Wheat State pizza. When they left we kept going for awhile then went and had dinner in the cafeteria so we didn't have to cook and didn't have to go get food from the store. We also did a run to walmart and doller general getting stuff that we need.
On Sunday, Stephen made us pancakes then we got to cleaning. We took a break at lunch time to walk to campus to have lunch in the cafeteria. Then we got back to cleaning and unpacking. We then walked to Country Mart where we bought groceries and used tons of coupons. Then soon after we finished the living room, my friends Sam and Shana came by. Sam stayed and chatted while we ate dinner. Then after Sam left I worked on homework while Stephen did dishes and took a shower.
Today, I woke up early and hopped in the shower. While i was in the shower Stephen made breakfast. Eggs, rolls, and apple juice. We then headed to the school to talk to them about the fact of moving out of the dorms officailly. I then showed stephen my class and all the animals in it even my rolly pollys which are still alive. Also my plants...I have two of them growing now. Then he headed home while I was in class. After class I came home to have lunch done and ready to be eat. We then cuddled and talked. Which then he walked me to class. Tonight we have my friend Katelyn and her two roommates coming over for desserts. It's been a nice day...


Tuesday, August 25, 2009


So yesterday in my field and biology class we measured and weighed different things in metric. Which I think I am going to weight myself in metric now. Then we learned about how to do conversions. But I have to say that my plant was growing. It was one of the few that was above ground for class. Then for my break, I worked on Homework then went to my class Fiction Writing Seminar. In this class we have to set goals and work on something protaining to our goals. Everyone is going to be different so we will be each working alone. We will each have different homework during the semister. It's my last Fiction Writing class! :O After class, I talked to Stephen online via web cam. He was packing at his parents house and I was working on homework when the lady called to say that we got the place in which we can move in on Saturday. I finished some homework and headed to bed knowing that today would be busy.
Today, I did not want to get up and out of bed. I was too toasty under my heating blanket. Smart of me to turn my air condition all the way up and have a fan blowing. It was smart the night before at least. But I made my way to my litature class to find out that the book I am almost done reading was the wrong book. So I found out that I need to read a whole book by Thursday morning. Then I find out that the book I was reading is at the end of the semester. Oh well. In Survey of Exceptionality, we talked about our homework assignments that were due that day. One of the homework was to read an article about People First Language. For those who don't know what that is it's how to put people first before their disablity in the way you speak. Some examples are instead of saying, "The handicapped or disabled." You should say "People with disabilities...", or "Handicapped parking" you should say, "Accessible parking." It's very different then how we talk in every day life. A lot of my classmates and myself actually didn't like the article. Because some of the views of the lady who wrote it are a bit extreme. Also we did a lot of talking about 504 plans and IEPs, and IDEA and ADA. For those who don't know the difference. IDEA is a law that is to have everyone at school age be able to go to school and to be included. IEPs are based off of that and are more based around those who have a learning disablity of some sort. But those with IEPs must have a disablity that is listed under the IDEA act. 504s is a different thing. This is for disablities that are not under the IDEA act. Most of them are physical disablities then that of IEPs. For an example arthritis is not under the IDEA act but it can have a 504 plan. I had an 504 plan where Stephen had a learning disablity so he had an IEP. ADA is more of a long term thing. It is for public buildings and other building that people go into. they are the one who make sure that people who have disablities can get around. So in truth it's pretty interesting. I am learning a lot.
In Encon I am learning about governments. Can I say that it is boring like no other. I am serious though it's going to be the death of me. But because some students decided to talk in the back of the class room we are going to be having a quiz on Thursday of what he taught today.
I haven't been to art yet. But I expect it will be about art. Well I better get some homework done so I can start packing up my room.


Monday, August 24, 2009

What Time is It? School Time...:(

So this past week was hectic. I mean hectic. So I mentioned on last Tuesday that Stephen got a job. Well first he has to work through a temp agencie until he gets the interviews done and all the final procedures done for the job that already knows they want to hire him. So on Wednesday, Stephen and I started to look for a place to live near the college campus but also cheap enough we could afford it. We found a couple of places which we called later that week. School started on Wednesday, I only had one class which wasn't too bad but I had homework. My only class on Wednesday is called Field and Lab which is for Biology. On the first day we took some notes and then we had to plant two plants which we have to keep alive all semester. we were also given containers to find ten rolly polly's that we are also suppose to keep alive the whole semister. I fear for myself. Then I went back to my room and worked on kind of making some room for myself. Of course I talked to Stephen via web cam.
On Thursday, I have four classes. Three in the morning from eight in the morning to twelve thirty. My first class is litature which focuses more on sports. I found out that my teacher has a good sense of humor and one of the ladies that works in the cafeteria is in my class. She's about to have a baby and will need someone to keep her up to date in the class. Which I told her I would help. We got our homework and found out that we have to have a whole book done by next Thursday. Thankfully I am already half way through the book. Then I went to my next class which was Survey of Exceptionality. It's a class where we get to find out on what to do if we have a student who has disablities in our class. It's actually pretty far pretty interesting. The teacher is funny and he promised us that he would suprise us with donuts some mornings. Of course in this class there is a lot of reading and a lot of homework but no exams or quizes in this class which would be nice. I had to read a packet plus the first chapter of the book for class which I litterally just got done yesterday. Then I headed for my last morning class which is Econimics. The teacher voice just drones on. He doesn't change anything in his voice which I can tell is already going to be a bore. I also didn't chose the best spot in the class which was next to one of the girls who won't stop talking and a boy who kept flirting with her the whole time. Of course he also gave us a homework assignment read two chapters out of the book. By the way I didn't have to buy because the book is online and we don't have to bring it to class. Woot. Then I have a break from twelve thirty to four o'clock. Which I started my lovely homework that I knew was going to take up my weekend. Then at four o'clock I had Art appriation. Which the teacher was really nice and she seems to love art. I thought she was really nice and she became an easy teacher when she told us how to get extra credit. She doesn't put a limit on extra credit and all I have to do is either bring an art piece in and show it off or write a one page paper about something art. So it's going to be pretty easy. Also if I get A's on all my exams I don't have to take the final. So it seems like a pretty easy class but the problem is it's going to be a lot of studing. I also got homework by writing a paper and reading a chapter which I haven't gotten to yet.
So far classes seem a lot of fun except one class but I think I can handle that. Also it's going to be a lot of course work and a lot of homework. Because on Friday, I woke up at seven and packed up my backpack full of my homework to get done. Then headed to the cafteria. Not the best place to be when on a diet but I knew i would get homework done. I found a seat and grabbed breakfast and then started to work. I got a lot done between breakfast and lunch time which I let Katelyn in to eat. Then I headed back to my room and worked some more on homework. Only taking breaks to clean my room and do laundry. I was getting a lot done but of course didn't finish everything so I will be doing more homework done.
On Saturday, Stephen and I went looking at apartments and we found one that we both liked a lot. So we took Katelyn to look at it for another view and Katelyn asked questions that we didn't even think about. But she thought it was nice. Then that night we hung out at Katelyn place with her ex roommate nicole watching a couple of movies. Then on Sunday, Stephen and I chilled and relaxed. I worked on some homework while we watched a couple of shows. We also found the ten rolly pollys around campus that I have to keep alive...wish me luck.
Stephen left this morning and either today or tomorrow we will find out if we have the place and move in this week. We are both excite to be living together and alone where we are not sharing a place. It will be nice to be just the two of us. Who knows what might happen. Well, I better get stuff done before class to you later.


Wednesday, August 19, 2009


So it's back to school with me. I am on the fourth floor this year in the dorms. Which is different then all my years because now I have half of the floor is guys and I litterally am at the halfway point of the hallway, also it's interesting to know that my RA doesn't even live on my floor. It's interesting to say the truth but pretty good. Sunday we finished putting things in the two cars because my mom and Stephen were coming down to help move me in. Of course it was down pour rain all the way here until five miles outside of emporia. Emporia was bright and sunny. Here at school they help you move in so you rarely have to do anything. I checked in and got into my room. My room is smaller then my other room that I have had...okay it's way smaller. It litterally gives me enough floor space for the queen sized air mattrice we got for a wedding gift. On Monday, Stephen and I chilled and went around campus people were still moving in and so campus was moving along. Tuesday morning was the day Stephen was going to head back to home. I tried my best not to cry knowing that we were about to say goodbye that morning. And Stephen was convinced he was going to stay one more day. because he was going to look for jobs. So he called in sick at his job and I found out that on campus there was a job fair. We went and guess what Stephen got a job here at school. We were both really excited for that.
Wednesday morning he headed back and I had to go to my one class for the day. I have to keep ten rolly polly's alive, and two plants alive for the whole sememester. Oh dear. I though found out that one of my friends lives in my old room and is totally loving the room. The door still sticks. Well I better go get ready for my four classes today...don't want to be late.

Oh Stephen and I are looking for a place down here near the school. So we will be moving yet again...oh dear.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Past, Present, Future

So things here at going good. Lately I have been on edge with everything. More like trying not to talk about leaving Sunday. Because everytime that I do talk about it I start crying. Yesterday was my sister-in-law Johanna's birthday. She turned eighteen years old and her lovely boyfriend Karl asked Stephen if he could get her out of the house yesterday. Well he couldn't as he was at work. But I made a call to my friend Sarah and explained to her why. So she took Johanna and me to Sheridans to get frozen custard. We had a nice bonding time the three of us girls. Then she was pleasently surpised by her new bedding set on her bed. I am slowly getting used to having several people in the house and where everything is and how to get stuff done. I have started to make the bed in Stephen and my's room because I did that in my dorm almost every morning. Stephen claimed that he will miss having the bed made when he comes home from work. So I felt like that's something that will most likely contunie while we are married. I am getting used to the fact that I have three younger siblings even though they are my half. Scotty, Johanna, and Charlie. Charlie is fourteen years old and at times acts younger. He likes to surpise you by jumping out of hidden places and likes to just scare you and get on your nerves. Like yesterday I was hit several times by the nerve darts coming out a nerf gun as I watched the movie Twlight. Though today was his first day of school and I have to say it was awful quiet in the house.
Today I worked on setting up a schedule for myself for school. Had to stop midway through it because I was crying. I feel like I am over reacting but I really don't want to go. So far none of my friends are understanding how I feel because they never had to go through it. None of them are married and having to live apart. It will be hard but I know we can get through it. Also I made lunch for Stephen who came home from work for lunch. He and I are trying to spend a lot of time together. Well I believe that's it. Oh tomorrow, I am going with Johanna to get her nails done. Stephen and I are paying for them to get done as her birthday present. Plus it will be another bonding experience for the two of us. Also tomorrow going to get some school supplies hopefully I won't be a wreck. Until another time.


Thursday, August 13, 2009


So it's five in the morning as I start this blog. Why am I a college student who doesn't work up at five o'clock because my body thought it was time for me to wake up at four o'clock this morning. I woke up because I was hot and my knee was slipping out of the socket which isn't always the pleasant way to wake up in the morning. But right now I am on Stephen's computer while he sleeps next to me. It's a great feeling to have the person you love sleeping next to you. How serene they are and how the fact that every little movement you make they make so that they are up against you. As I am sitting here typing away Stephen is sound asleep and while he sleeps I try to think of everything possible thing he is dreaming. It's interesting and relaxing.
It's nice to know that it didn't take us long to get used to sharing the bed with the other person. How easy it was to just scoot over to one side of the bed and give the other person room. How your body reacts when it's sleeping next to the other person. Sure you have your moments when one hits the other but that's all the fun in it. Knowing that I am about to go to school it's hard. Because I will be sleeping alone in my bed. I try to think of ways that I know will happen. Will I cuddle up and sleep more to one side for awhile. Will it be hard to fall asleep without listening to the other person go into a deep slumber. It will be interesting and it will be hard. I know that come weekends I will be excited to be sleeping next to him once again. Because I love those moments when we are cuddled right before we drift slowly off to sleep or how sometimes we talk for a little while while we are cuddled. Those are the things that I am going to miss more then ever.


Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Sunday :(

So we are back to living under his parents roof. I can't believe a month ago I just woke up after my first night on the honeymoon. Can it really been a month that I no longer could think about myself without considering someone else. It's been a great month. I have learned so much being married and yet I still have a lot to learn from. I love that when I am upset that I have him to calm me down or just hold me until I calm down. He wipes away my tears on my face and says that he loves me. It's enough to make me slowly forget what's bothering me for a little time. But on Sunday I must leave this and go back to the lonely cold dorm room for a little while. I am trying not to think of the time that I will say goodbye to my husband. To just be apart from him is what scares me the most. It's going to be so hard to watch other people kiss their girlfriends or boyfriends before they head to class. It's going to be hard to see some of my friends make out with their others and know that I have to wait till Friday night to see mine. To just be able to feel the warmth of his arms around me and to just listen to him talk. To just cuddle up against him knowing that everything is alright in the world. I am going to miss that during the school days when I am about to tear out my hair from the stress of a homework or just crying in my room because I just can't take it anymore. I am not going to have that. Come by seven o'clock or so on Friday nights I will be in his arms trying to keep a hold of that warmth that smell that I love. To just be near him. But come Monday morning saying goodbye as he walks out the door early and leaving to go back to town for work. It's hard and I am going to try my best to get into a program that is thirty min from our place and know that I am living with him.
Because right now sitting here in this room while he is at work I feel like I am a failer of a wife. That I am leaving my love to go do better things but in reality I don't want to go to class to accomplish my dreams. I want to be in his arms wanting him to accomplish his dreams. He is putting his dreams on hold for what me to finish school and struggle to even get a job. I wish that life was easier then it is. It will be difficult no matter what. I just hope that in the end it will be all worth it.

Until later.

Monday, August 10, 2009


So today it's getting closer to the time where I will say goodbye to my loved ones and head back to school. It's a scary thought to have to be leaving when I don't want to leave the ones that I love so much. Since we have been helping other families in the ward it's been that Stephen and I have barely stayed at his parents house. We stayed at the rental house for a week then moved to the other house. Then that weekend we babysat for a night for Mike and Elyse while they went and stayed at a bed and breakfast for their anniversery. Then the last week of July we went to another house and house sit for another family in the ward and dog sit their dog named luke. We have been here since July 29th and tomorrow is our last day. It's been nice taking care of a house. I am actually very much enjoying being with Stephen in a big house and playing house. I can't wait till we actually get a place on our own and our styles and personality will come out in the decoration of the rooms. Though it's been hard as well, since we are taking care of a dog he not used to having his owners not around so he tends to do the number two somewhere in the house. Of course near the end we have less of that problem as we did in the beginning. I have always wanted another dog for when I have my own family. I want my own kids to have the same experience that I have had when I was younger. Stephen though never wants a dog but a cat. He's a cat person and I am a dog person. He though said we could get a dog till now. Now he doesn't want a dog because of the trouble we have had with Mr. Luke.
The dogs that I remember is the three beautiful dogs that my family had when I was pretty old. My favorite was my pomeranian. I named her Tiffany and I was about four or so when I got her. She was in the same litter as one of my dad's nieces puppy was in. She and I would fall asleep anywhere together. She was one of the best dogs. We took her to Germany when we went and she ended up being bitten twice by a chow. But she always thought of herself bigger then she was ever. She passed away with a heart attack while chasing a squirrell in the back yard. She passed away when I was in junior high and I was very upset.
My dad got a black lab mix with something else. I named her Dakota. She was a very sweet chubby dog and I loved her as I grew up. It was sad when my parents divoriced because I never saw her again.
I went with my dad to go to Marysville to his Aunt's house to pick out a full black lab puppy for my Uncle Fred. We got there and I picked out a little shy puppy who was hiding under a car. All the way home I fell in love with that sweet little puppy. When my Uncle came and picked her up to take her to his place I cried and cried. My little heart was heart broken to the fact that I couldn't keep her. Two hours or so I woke up after falling asleep crying to my face being licked by the puppy. I find out later that she was scared of my Uncle and it wouldn't work out between them. So I was able to keep her and I named her Midnight. She was one skittish dog but I loved her and she was one great dog. She was the other one that I didn't see after the divorce and I later find out that my dog got rid of her and Dakota to the pound. I was upset that the two dogs that I fell in love with were gone.
I really want a dog to enjoy life with. I love dogs more then ever. As I am house sitting I have gotten slightly attactched to the trouble maker of Luke. He cuddles up against me while Stephen is gone and never leaves my side. I don't really care if the dog is big or small I just want that companionship with a dog more then ever. Hopefully I will convince Stephen to let me enjoy that again. Maybe...


Thursday, August 6, 2009

School :(

So Stephen and I were talking yesterday and it dawned on the two of us that we have ten days till I have to go back to school. How can i leave my home, my husband to go live in a dorm for most of the year. I feel like one of those horrible wives who don't live at home but always on the go to make something of herself and not be there for the ones who need her like her husband. Sure Stephen understands why I have to go to school. i told him i rather not go but he said he will make sure that I do go. It's so hard to do this. We really only had/have a little over a month to feel the sure effects of marriage. Most of that was litterally moving and packing and moving and unpacking. Now that it's time to say goodbye is going to be tearful. Last night as we were talking about it I tried my best not to cry. I don't want to think about leaving because I would be leaving home. It's weird how much I have changed. When I went to school my first year i was scared to death about how i was going to make friends and everything. My second year i couldn't wait to go to college to be with my friends and just enjoy life away from my mom and away from several people. My third year I started to be my own person living on my own though still in the dorms. But having my own room and realizing how much I have grown. Now going back for my fourth year I have realized all the mistakes that I have made pervious years. Some years I slacked off in class when I should have studied more and been more into my studies rather then in my friends. Because this year should have been my last year of college when in reality I have two more years or so before I graduate. This time I am dreading to go to school like no other. Going to school is no longer my home my place. Because my place is where ever Stephen is and that is here. On the sixteenth I am going to be in a crying wreck because i shouldn't be going to school I should be with him. I hate this feeling. I am going to be living in a dorm that has no life and no joy. It's going to be one difficult road to get down but we can do it.


Wednesday, July 29, 2009


So since I started writing everyday in here there isn't much to say really. So you are more going to hear a lot of random thoughts that go through my mind then what i am up to. Anyways lately though I have been on Stephen's cool laptop. His works so much easier then my own that I find when he is busy at work I am usually doing stuff on it. Even if it's just playing minsweeper. But I also listen to music quite a lot when I am working on something or just playing a game. I have started to listen to Stephen's itunes and I realized that we have completely different taste in music. Some of his music I am still trying to figure out some of his music. But I am starting to get a taste for them which is funny anyways. As Stephen and I started to date I started to make cds of music we both like for the reason that we can listen to it in the car. Over time we found more music we like and we often listen to them in the car together. We slowly get to a middle ground with music. But what's nice is now that we are grown up we both don't like a certain kind of music. I started only liking country and then went off to college and my music just opened up into a whole different place. So it's interesting to say the least.


Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Not many people that I know really understand arthritis unless they have it. I have friends who still don't believe that I have arthritis because they don't want to think of someone our age could have it. When in reality kids as young as an infant could have arthritis. It's amazing that you don't hear about kids having it but you hear about adults and the elderly having it. You don't hear the kids talk about the many pain pills they take on the commercials. How different they feel when they can't run or play the games that others there age do. How there classmates think they are faking it and are just plain lazy. How hard it is to wake up in the morning knowing that you will have notes to write and ur hands will be killing you near the end of the school day. To just have to do it tomorrow. No one sees how hard it is to get up in the morning knowing that the day at school is going to be hard because of the weather outside. No one notices it and no one thinks of it. Because it's not so easy to notice that a child has arthritis as it is to a kid having another disease like cancer or even diabetes.
I grew up with arthritis. For some odd reason Heavenly Father thought I should have this disease and give me this challenge to overcome. Every day since I was little I struggle to be normal and fight against my joints. The medicine is not really designed for children to take so you have a greater risk of the side effects. Like losing bone denisity, damage to the liver, damage to the heart, overweight, and not even be able to have children. How can people explain to a cute little two year old that she needs to make the option of having children in the future or living with the pain. No one could. I am lucky enough to be ten when I found out about having arthritis. Because I got the option and I flately told my parents no. I am still able to have children and you know what I wouldn't want it any other way. I want to be able to hold my own child in my body and to know that when nine months later happens I'll have a child that I have bonded with.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Breakdown to Babysitting

So last week on Friday I had a mental breakdown. Because on Wednesday and Thursday we finished moving out stuff over to Stephen's parents house and out of the rental house. We offically slept in the house on Thursday night and Stephen left for work the following morning. As I was slowly unpacking our room trying to find places to put our stuff I realized that this room doesn't have any of my personality in it. It didn't feel like I actually was going to be living in this room. Which slowly had me crying and litterally feeling out of place in the whole family. The whole family likes me and I do fit in but it's not what i grew up to be apart of. For most of my days at home it was just me and my parents then it was just me and my mom. Since my siblings are seven, eight, and nine years older then I am. So I didn't know what it meant to have a lot of family in the house. But in truth, I didn't know where I fit into the whole family at all or even my room. Everything just started to get worse and I didn't know what to do or anything. i realized that I mostly stay up in Stephen's and My room while he is at work only leaving to go to the bathroom. Because I feel like I was walking in on their own time and I don't fit.
Anyways, I called my two sisters. One didn't answer her phone so I called the other crying and just upset. I realized that my sister livid with her in-laws while her son was just a baby years ago. I talked to her about what I was feeling and she said that it was normal. I most likely won't get a break out of it. But to create a place for my stuff somewhere. I finally talked to Stephen about what I was feeling and slowly we started to make the room our room. We hung up pictures and hooks. We also brought in my dresser and my desk from my bedroom at my mom's house. Slowly this room is starting to feel like my room.
On Saturday, Stephen and I were asked to watch Mike and Elyse's kids for overnight as it was the anniversery. It was a lot of fun. We played wii and then Stephen went and got some pizza for us and the kids. Then we went to the park and played until seven. The kids went to bed at seven thirty and we stayed up and watched movies together. It was nice. On Sunday at six fourty five I realized that the boys might not realize to come wake us up. So I went to open the door to the bedroom and heard little noise down in the living room. Sure enough both of the boys were just chilling in the dark on the couch. They were just sitting there talking to each other not doing really much of anything. It was interesting. But all in all Stephen and I had fun watching the kids.
On Sunday we went to my mom's and had dinner with her. We just relaxed together and watched Ace of Cakes and America's Funniest Videos together. So it was a lot of fun and the food was greet.


Wednesday, July 22, 2009


So last night, we were just relaxing. I cuddled with Stephen as much as I could because when I am tired I just want to cuddle and be comfortable. We watched tv together just cuddling then went upstairs. I love how we can be in the same room and yet be doing different things. I was reading a novel and he was playing a game on his laptop. But we were both comfortable until we finally went to sleep.
The main reason I am writing this blog today is because I want to list my reason for wanting to lose weight. I have always felt the need to lose weight because I never wanted to be the fat girl of the class. Have people see me fat rather then beautiful and sexy. When people look at me they don't see my personality they see a fat chick. But I really started wanting to lose weight for myself because the fact that it's distorying my joints worse then my RA is something that no one can fix. It's causing me to be more in pain then not to be in pain and for me who doesn't take medicine for RA it's something that can cause me to run fevers and miss classes. I can't have that anymore and I want to have my joints not some metal pretending to be my joints. Another thing if the way I am going in being healthy then I won't cost a lot of heartaches and medical problems. I won't have to spend thousands of dollars on keeping my body. But also I want to be walking and running with my own children. I don't want to have the risk of having a premature baby when the time comes. I want to have healthy babies and I want to be able to enjoy them as they grow. I want to be able to walk along side Stephen for the rest of my life not be pushed in a wheelchair. That's why I want to lose weight.

222 2/75 pounds

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Beginning of the Week

So right at this moment I am chilling out with my brother-in-law Charlie. Stephen started back to work this week and it's been pretty weird without him around the house. On Sunday, we went to church in my mom's ward for the final time before my church records were transfered to Stephen's ward. Then we headed to his house for a little time alone while his family was at church. I am finding out that you don't get much time alone when you live with family. Then we headed to my mom's for dinner and games. We played Mario 8 with her and had a blast playing and just enjoying the time together. Finally, we had to head back to our place to get some sleep since Stephen had to be on the road to work by seven twenty.
On Monday, I got up at seven with Stephen and we had breakfast together before he left to work. I knew the rest of the family was going to work on the house but I stayed at the rental house to clean the room and look for books for school (which I am dreading). Then I hung out with Stephen's mom looking at all the free samples you can get online. We got a lot of free samples.
Today, Stephen left after breakfast and headed to work while I hung out with Charlie and Scotty (my brother-in-laws)We played some wii and talked it was nice to just hang out. Even though Scotty creamed us in the game of Mario 8. Then I excersed on the wii fit.
That's another thing. Stephen and I want to lose weight so we are trying hard to get it in. We started going on walks when he gets off work and talk. It's our alone time and a way for him to just relax. Also we decided that if we want soda we have to also get the same amount in water and to drink both hopefully it will work. I found out today that I have exactly seventy-five pounds to lose or more by my first year anniversery. Hopefully I can do it.

225 Pounds 0/75 to go.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Life is Good.

So things have been settling for the most part. I am finally getting used to having several people in the house and barely getting alone time in. It's getting used to living with the in-laws. Which is what Stephen and myself will do till I am done with school. But I am making it work slowly. I am finding that Stephen and I don't get much alone time with his younger siblings and sometimes parents are around and I have a feeling it will get worse when he goes back to work. But it's been nice to just relax and enjoy time together. We been playing a wii game that is Mario Party 8 and having a blast with it. It gets us laughing and having fun which is really nice to tell the truth. But we also have our own time like me reading a book and him just playing on his video game. But we are still in the same room and once and awhile steal a kiss from each other. But life has been great...I really don't want to go to school and leave my loveing husband. It's going to be hard...really hard.


Thursday, July 16, 2009

The Wedding and the Pre-Honeymoon

So as you most likely guessed that I haven't been writing much as of the wedding and the pre-honeymoon. The wedding went great where only a few things happened that day. Like Stephen had to run to walmart to get new pants. There was a car accident in the parking lot that thankfully I never heard of. But it was wonderful to say the least. But before the wedding my maid of honor and myself went to her parents house to relax and get me to just forget that I am getting married later in the day. Then we went and got my nails done which I am still highly in love with. Stephen also says he enjoys the nails on my hand. Then we headed to my house relaxed for a bit then headed to the church. Once we got to the church we slowly walked around and I finally got to see the what the whole thing looked liked. It was beatiful and I felt like everything was perfect. Finally, the time came where I had to get dressed and get everything ready. I felt ready to marry the one I love.
When I walked down the aisle and saw him standing there I knew that this was it. I had a huge smile as I looked at him. My sister-in-law Johanna sang a song and man can she sing. I tried not to cry during her song and succeeded. I couldn't wait to say I do when the time came and it didn't come soon enough really. Then we exchanged rings and Stephen almost put the ring on the wrong finger. But we forgot to kiss before we walked down the aisle as husband and wife. But we finally did and then the pictures started. I never thought they would end to tell the truth but I know I will be glad later to have them. Everything went well and it was a wonderful night. But I couldn't wait to leave to be just with Stephen for a couple of days.
On our honeymoon we went to KCMO and stayed at a hotel. The hotel looked like it was nothing on the outside but the inside was wonderful. We had a huge room and it was nice to just hang out there. On Sunday we drove back home to open gifts and then on Monday we went to Oceans of Fun. We both got minor burns on a few things but all in all it was a lot of fun. On Tuesday we chilled out in the room and then went to the midnight movie realise of Harry Potter which was great!!!! Of course it was packed seeing that all six theaters were sold out of the film. Then we slept in on Wednesday and went home.
I love being a Mrs. and I love my husband dearly.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Siblings 2 DAYS!!!

So last entry was about my nieces and nephews so one of my friends decided to talk about her family. Well I thought I would break some of my family into different entries. So I thought I would tell you about my siblings. I am the youngest of four and the only one that is not adopted into the family by my mom. But the funny thing is they are all actual siblings.
The oldest would be my brother James who is now an old fart of thirty years old. My brother is nine years older then me and we don't generally see each other very much. He last I knew was going to college to become a web design. He is dating a lady named Shannon who I haven't met. He was married to a women named Kris who he met in another state when he was young. They had a beautiful son named Austin. He also had a son named Alex with another women. My greatest memories of my brother were the times that he split my bike helment in two on top of my head. Or giving me a black eye when I was little with a baseball.
My sister Christy is twenty nine years old and can be a pain. She is the one who looks like the odd one out of the family with her personality and her looks. She though is married to a great guy named Scott and she has two kids from a previous boyfriend and is now a step mom. She and I go way back with our fights that shook the house since we were eight years difference. But as we gotten older things are settled down and we are often talking at least once a day.
My sister Necia is the baby of my older siblings. She is twenty-eight years old and has been married nine years to a lovely guy. They have two beautiful children Dallas and Maddison. She would love to stay home and be a stay at home mom. But with the way the money is right now she is a para at the school district local. She loves it and wishes she can go to school to become a teacher.

That is my siblings and we have had our hardships as well as joys. But the things is that since I am older and starting to understand the adult world according to my sisters. I have been closer to them then I have ever before. My sister Necia and Christy are both helping with things for the wedding and I can't wait to share it with them. I just wish my brother could be here as well.


Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Nieces and Nephews 3 Days!

So nothing really much going on in my life other then wedding stuff. Who wants to hear all about wedding stuff. I just had several of my friends become Aunts and Uncles and I it brought memories back of the many times that I have become an Aunt. I have nine nieces and nephews. Yeah you heard me. I have nine just myself. Soon I will be adding six to that nine and I am sure Stephen's family is not done growing. Each niece and nephew has an important aspects to them and each are different then all the others.
My nephew Austin is my brother's oldest son. He is twelve years old and at the time he was born I was only nine years old. I was so excited to be an Aunt at a young age that I got to experience childhood along side with him. I have pictures of me holding him and not wanting to let go of that cute little boy. He was the one who taught me how to be a child during the hard years. I don't get to see him a lot but looking through his mom's pictures on facebook I watch him grow into it. Now he is dating a girl and catching lots of fish. But i will always remember the two hour old baby that I held in my arms.

Then little over a year later my sister Necia told the family she was going to have a baby. We later found out it was a boy and he was due around christmas. He gets the most timely birth out of all of them. My sister was only in labor for two hours tops. He livid with us with his mother for awhile and I got to experience living with a cute little baby next door. Dallas is now ten years old and he is starting to look like a teenager. It's amazing how much I can embrass him now.

Then came the birth of my nephew who is also my cuddle bear. Calvin who is born to my sister Christy. He is nine years old and he still loves to cuddle up to me. He was my special nephew who was born premature and every year it makes me cry to see how far he has come. He had a sugury when he was only two weeks old and it was on his lung. I also was close to him because I babysat him for a couple of years and I am so close to him. He is so cute that I love him.

Then my beautiful niece Maddison was born to my sister Necia. I thought that I was in love with all my nephews but when my niece was born. I couldn't be any happier. She is a beautiful seven year old who knows when it's time to be a princess and when it's time to get down and dirty. She has the grace of her mother and her father's sense of humor.

Then my sweet little Abriana. When she was born to my sister Christy I thought I had a prefect family. She was the sweetest and one of the most happiest little babies I have ever seen. She was so cute with no hair compare to her niece Maddison who had a full head of hair. But I couldn't believe that I had two beutiful nieces to love and spoil. I couldn't wait to babysit her like I babysat her brother and I have many many tails of her when she was little. She is now reading and writing and going to girls scouts. She loves her mother at times but in other she can act like a teenager at the age of seven.

I also have a little nephew that I have never met and never will. My brother and a lady that I don't know had a baby named Alex. My brother signed away his rights as soon as she got married to another guy. Alex has never known my brother and never will know the loving family he has. But I got the chance to become friends with his mother slightly and she sent me a picture of him and he looks a lot like his brother Austin. He is five years old.

Then there is Austin's sister Jakouri. Who I met when she was a little baby girl and she became a niece to me even though she not my brother or sister's kid. She is nine years old and from pictures a stinker.

When my sister Christy married last year to a man named Scott she also became a step parent to a sixteen year old and a fourteen year old. When I met them around Christmas me and the two of them hit it off so quickly ignoring the fact that I am not that much older then them. I know call them family even though I don't get to see them alot they are my niece and nephew. Mike and Amanda.

In truth I am excited to get to know my soon to be nieces and nephews because then I get to be able to spoil them as well. I can't wait till I see most of my nieces and nephews at my wedding with my soon to be nieces and nephews. It's no more greater joy then being an Aunt. Because after spoiling them rotten we get to send them home to mom and dad.