So we are back to living under his parents roof. I can't believe a month ago I just woke up after my first night on the honeymoon. Can it really been a month that I no longer could think about myself without considering someone else. It's been a great month. I have learned so much being married and yet I still have a lot to learn from. I love that when I am upset that I have him to calm me down or just hold me until I calm down. He wipes away my tears on my face and says that he loves me. It's enough to make me slowly forget what's bothering me for a little time. But on Sunday I must leave this and go back to the lonely cold dorm room for a little while. I am trying not to think of the time that I will say goodbye to my husband. To just be apart from him is what scares me the most. It's going to be so hard to watch other people kiss their girlfriends or boyfriends before they head to class. It's going to be hard to see some of my friends make out with their others and know that I have to wait till Friday night to see mine. To just be able to feel the warmth of his arms around me and to just listen to him talk. To just cuddle up against him knowing that everything is alright in the world. I am going to miss that during the school days when I am about to tear out my hair from the stress of a homework or just crying in my room because I just can't take it anymore. I am not going to have that. Come by seven o'clock or so on Friday nights I will be in his arms trying to keep a hold of that warmth that smell that I love. To just be near him. But come Monday morning saying goodbye as he walks out the door early and leaving to go back to town for work. It's hard and I am going to try my best to get into a program that is thirty min from our place and know that I am living with him.
Because right now sitting here in this room while he is at work I feel like I am a failer of a wife. That I am leaving my love to go do better things but in reality I don't want to go to class to accomplish my dreams. I want to be in his arms wanting him to accomplish his dreams. He is putting his dreams on hold for what me to finish school and struggle to even get a job. I wish that life was easier then it is. It will be difficult no matter what. I just hope that in the end it will be all worth it.