Sunday, March 13, 2011

Sunday: Spirtual Side

So, since today is Sunday and it's five in the morning I thought I would make a blog post. I am not your every day mormon person. I have had my ups and downs and fall outs in the church. My mom and siblings were all baptised on the same day. I was four years old and blessed in the church. I was then baptised at eight years old by my dad. It's been a hard road for me to travel. My family stopped going to church for awhile. My siblings stopped going to church all together. My parents got a divorce, my sisters got pregnant. All the pressure for me to stay in the church and get married in the temple was all on me. I didn't have a testimony of the church at all. I didn't feel like I belonged in the church but only went to make my mom happy. To try and fit in with my peers.
When I went off to college I went to church. I started to and was really happy in going. But I stopped going because I didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't have a father who had the priesthood and didn't really have friends in the ward. I was in love with a boy that broke my heart.
When I got engaged, I knew I didn't want to be married in the temple. I wanted my siblings to be able to see me get married to my husband. I wanted that experience that I watched both of my sisters recieve. But now that I am married and very much in love with my husband. I can't see my self without him even if one of us die. I want him forever in my life. To make that real we started to grow our own testimonies. We started to go back to church and I felt like I belonged. Now that I am pregnant I want the very best for my daughter. I want her to know that just because she doesn't have a testimony right now she can build her own slowly. I am starting to have a testimony and I am hoping that by the time that the Kansas City temple gets done that I will be ready to be sealed to not only my husband but to our little girl as well. Because I want to be with them forever.



Chanda said...

I love your honest thoughts. I was not a member when I married Adam nor was I interested. Over time, my heart began to soften and 4 years after we were married I was baptized and a year later went to the temple. Ariel was just 6 months old and I can tell you there is nothing like being sealed to your husband and daughter. It a lot of work to stay active in the church and A LOT of work raising your family in the gospel but Kendra it is so worth it!!

Stealth Blue said...

Totally glad you shared this and that... well... that I'm not the only one... I mean, I know that I've been active in the church forever, but coming out here to College, being on my own, it's different then being at home and I definitely feel that out-of-place feeling, partly because I am discovering that my beliefs line up with most of what is taught by the first presidency, but a lot less with what is taught by my peers.. and a lot of other things... Anyway.