Monday, March 23, 2009

Is Done with this Place

Hey,
Well, Friday was interesting to say the least. Stephen dropped my mom and me off at the hospital for my mom’s surgery and I brought things to do with me to keep me busy for her surgery. We went through the whole process of her getting ready for surgery. The hard part for awhile was getting the iv in her arm. Then I whispered that I loved her as she was wheeled to the o.r. I went off to the waiting room knowing that in two hours my mom would be out of surgery. The surgeon said the surgery would most likely be an hour long with laparoscopic surgery. At two hour mark, Sarah and her brother Adam came to sit with me for about an hour. During that time I was finally able to get some breakfast and a drink other then snacking on the chips in secret as u can’t have food in the waiting room. They left soon as we started getting close to the three hour mark. I got a phone call from Stephen from him telling me that work was slow and he was allowed to leave as long as he keeps his phone on and would leave if they get busy. He got there and I was so grateful for him to be there. Because by then I was getting worried about my mom. Finally, I went and asked the volunteer to call the O.R and ask them about my mom. A nurse from my mom’s surgery called me on the phone in the waiting room and told me that it was a slow process and that they had to open her up for a open surgery to get everything safely. At about four in a half hours of her being in surgery Stephen went and got us some lunch and while he was gone. Five hours. The surgeon came out and talked to me about my mom’s surgery. Then an hour later I was finally able to see her. She literally scared me just laying there looking frail. This surgery was horrible on her and she looked older then she actually is just laying there. I told her to get some sleep and we would be back later.
Later that night we went to get Stephen’s check from his job and on our way back from his job. We were stopped at a stoplight when the semi in front of us started backing up. Stephen laid on his horn hoping that the semi would stop. But he kept backing up and I braced myself when the semi hit the car. Stephen got out of the car as soon as the truck went forward and stood in the mirror until the truck driver got out of his truck. He didn’t even know he hit us. Thankfully we were fine and the car barely had any marks on it. It just scared both of us. We then went to Sarah’s and said goodbye to her as she was leaving for school the next morning. I barely got to spend enough time with her and this summer I will barely get to see her as she got her internship in Maryland. Then we went back to the hospital and when I walked into my mom’s room she was on an oxygen mask which gave me a heart attack. I rushed to find my mom’s nurse to find out what was going on and found out that my mother isn’t getting enough oxygen. Right then and there I knew my mom isn’t going to be around much longer. We soon left and headed back to Stephen’s house.

On Saturday, we went and spent some time with my mom and then went shopping at Sam’s and did some price checks for my mom for wedding things. Then went back to the hospital and spent some more time. By the end of the day I was having a hard time knowing that on Sunday I would be heading back to the place where I rather not be back at school. On Sunday, tears wouldn’t stop falling out of my eyes, and when I saw my mom I tried not to cry as I looked at her under blankets and so very cold. As soon as we left the hospital tears fell down my face and I couldn’t stop crying. I am losing my mother. The only parent I have left in my life. I knew right then she might not be around by the time Stephen and I start our own family. I feared for the day where I would never see her again. It’s a harsh reality to me seeing her like that in the hospital bed. I wanted to stay with her and be with her. But I knew I had to go back to school. As I was getting in Karl’s car for us to head back to school tears were falling down my face as I clung to Stephen. I didn’t want to leave home my home was with him.
Now as I look around my room at school it’s bare and lonesome. It feels like I don’t belong here anymore. As the tears fall down my cheeks I realize that no one here will wrap their arms around me and keep me close to them. I am going to put every free time in school work in hopes that I will raise my grades and won’t have to copy anymore classes so I can start block for school. I am done with this place and I just want to go home. I just want to go home.

Kk

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