Love For My Children - A Letter to Ginny, Miles, and Mason

Dear Ginny, Miles, and Mason, As of lately, life is hard for our little family. I graduated college in December and we moved in with your Grandma and Grandpa a year ago. I was able to stay home with you Ginny and Miles for a time and we had so much fun. Then I started working, sometimes I feel like it's because I started working that our relationship has changed. I feel like you two are getting short changed and I know Mason will be when I go back to work after he is born. My sweet children, know that I love you with all my heart.
Ginny, my sparkling little girl who loves the color purple and loves pokemon. You are such an amazing little girl. When you were born I felt like this was what I was meant to do was to be a mom. I feel like our time was always short as I was in college for most of your young life. Then I gave you your brother. It was amazing to see you become the best big sister. I know at times it's hard being older and feeling short change on the time that I have with you. Know that I love you and I am trying to give you the time. I just wish that your brother was not hurting you as much as he is and taking your time away from spending with Mommy and Daddy. You are an amazing little girl. I can't believe you will turn four in April and will have another little brother shortly after.
Miles, when you were born I was so excited. Especially since you were my first to actually breastfeed. I knew I was giving you the best from the right start. It amazes me how much different you are from your sister. Though those smiles are amazing. Lately though I feel like I get frustrated so quickly with you because of your many meltdowns. I am sorry for that, it just pains me to see you hurt others and even yourself through it. I love you so much, no matter if you have a developmental delay or even autism. Just know that we will figure this out together.
My surprise child Mason, actually, I am rooting for the name Mason but who knows what we will name you when the time comes. You were a major surprise, but I know there has to be a reason why you are coming to our family at this time. I love you, even though I don't often talk to you as you are in my stomach, it's taking me awhile to get used to the fact that there will be three of you in June. Just know that I love you and can't wait to see how you fit into our family. I love each and every one of you. Love Mommy.

My Little Boy is not your NORMAL Child

Hey, This is most likely my hardest post that I have to write at this time. Miles is very different than his older sister. At first, I just thought it was because he was looking up to his sister and she just talked for him. But, things have changed in my little boy. Miles is now twenty-one months old and he is only speaking up to four words, "yeah, mama, no, please." It started to concern me that he was not picking up words like I have seen other little kids his age were. Then...his nights turned bad to worse. He was waking up not just once but every hour at night. Which became harder and harder for me who is pregnant with another baby. I was often crying in the morning when it was time to get up. Then there were nights where he would be screaming for an hour and nothing could calm him. For this, I was able to take a video and show it to a doctor who told me that it was not night terrors as he was responding to my voice through the melt down. Then the meltdowns started during the day as well. At first they were like a normal toddler meltdown then they turned longer. We were having meltdowns for very little things that were lasting hours. With much tears from myself, Miles, and Ginny. So at first we started to put him in his room and he would only let us open his door when he was calm enough. Well, he had a bruise on his forehead after one session of a meltdown. So the next time I watched him during another one and watched as he ran head first into the wall, and door. Then he started to bite himself during the meltdowns. He also started to turn agressive to others during his meltdowns. He would kick, scream, bite, hit, and run at you head first. Not only was he doing it to myself, Stephen, and my mom, but Ginny as well. My sweet, cuddly boy was having some problems. We started to worry about the future. Is there a chance that he could hurt the baby when it comes during a meltdown? We started calling Children's Mercy, KU, Olathe School district, as well as Infant Toddler program. Anyone that can help us...it took us crying on the phone to finally get someone to help us. Miles is now being evaluated on his behaviors to see if something else is going on. Autism has been thrown out in words. Something that I have wondered since I work with autistic children. Is it scary...very much so...but right now it's scary of not knowing. It's taking everything to keep myself a float. I often cry myself to sleep of frustration of not helping him. Stephen and I struggle with a normal marriage, and I struggle to not take my frustration out on him as well as Ginny. Ginny is starting to act out because of feeling left out and it breaks my heart. I have been called a BAD MOTHER by others and even myself. Did I do something...to create this? Did I create my little boy not being able to handle things? If I did how can I make sure I do not do it again? How can I help my little boy? How will I handle this issue going on and having another baby? Is this even fair to Ginny as well as the baby? I worry and stress all the time...no one knows what's going through my mind... AM I A HORRIBLE MOTHER?

Twenty-Seventh Birthday -My Own

What is my favorite color? Most days it's blue. What is my favorite toy? That would be my tablet. As I can read and explore the internet. What is my favorite fruit? Bananas What is my favorite tv show? At the moment I am really enjoying Criminal Minds on Netflixs. What is my favorite thing to eat at lunch? That would be what I call an adult grilled cheese. Which is two slices of bread, three pieces of cheese, turkey slices, and bacon then I dip it in Chik' fil' a buffio sauce. What is my favorite outfit to wear? a t-shirt and shorts What is my favorite game? No Name What is my favorite snack? Chocolate What is my favorite animal? Bear What is my favorite song? Shake it Off by Taylor Swfit What is my favorite book? Still Harry Potter series Who is my best friend? Still have to be Sarah and Stephen What is my favorite cereal? chocolate rice krispies What is my favorite to do outside? go walking with music on What is my favorite drink? Mountain Dew What is my favorite Holiday? Christmas What do I like to take to bed with me at night? my husband (haha) also I always have to have water next to my bed. Favorite thing to eat for breakfast? Dessert What do I want for dinner on my birthday? Red Robin What do I want to be when I grow up? Stay-at-home Mom.

Life is How You Make It

Hey, Nothing major is going on right now. Other then we try to get outside as much as possible and get as much sleep as we can. I was able to finally get the double jogging stroller that I wanted so that was super exciting. I am already putting it in so much use with the kiddos. Though we took a week break from walks as the morning were so humid here in Kansas. We have been doing great and enjoying spending time with each other.

Stephen and I were able to go to the temple just recently. I still can't believe that I can finally go through it anytime that I want to as long as I am living the commendments. Anyways, so it was really neat. Plus, I helped my mother-in-law Char be sealed to her parents for all time and eternity. Stephen and I were proxys of her parents during the sealing. It was so so so amazing. I can't wait to help my own ancestors on my mother's side get their temple blessings.

Ginny also thought it would totally be great to make the biggest mess in awhile. I love her but at times it's hard having a three year old. She decided to paint the kitchen table with yogert as well as the floor. While I put Miles down for his nap of the day. Charlie was coming up the stairs while I was going down and said, "You are not going to like what is happening down stairs." I am not sure how quickly I got down the stairs I just know that I was steaming. Though, I have to say the incident of the yogert still did not over top the incident of Miles eating vasline while I was in the bathroom. I am glad this time I took a picture.

But it's the inspiring and watching my children grow into little people that amaze me so much. Ginny loves to look at books and makes up her own stories while she reads them based off the pictures. Or the time that Miles finally said, "Mama" to me. Or the time that Ginny brought me the Book Mormon stories book and asked me to read it to her at bedtime. It's those moments that make the hard moments disappear.

Because they won't stay little much longer no matter how hard I try. It might not be easy to be a stay-at-home mom, but then I remember what I missed out on while I was studying for my career. It makes it that much harder to go out to the career field and leave those precious babies behind. Because they have grown so much since the first time I was able to lay my eyes on them.

-Kendra

Ginny had Surgery

So in July, we found out that Ginny had pretty bad teeth. It was something as a mom I did not really want to happen to my three year old. They told us they knew of at least four root canals but there might be more. So we scheduled a surgery date which was August 1st. The morning of August 1st, left me nervous for my little girl. She could not eat anything all morning which is hard to explain to a three year old. We ended up watching Frozen all morning to keep her mind off of her hunger pains.

Then it was time to head out. My mom happen to take off to comfort me during the ordeal. Ginny was given a shot at the beginning to make her super relax. She did not cry so the medicine had awhile to work in her system. Soon though she lost all head control and neck control and was zoning. She went in and had the work done and I sat in the waiting room hoping and praying she was okay. I was very blessed that my little girl got a priesthood blessing from her Dad (Stephen) and Grandpa (John) the night before. They came out and told us she was doing great and we would be able to see her soon. When I went in to see her she was wrapped in a blanket, like you would with a newborn in the nurses arms. She was sound asleep. When she awoke she barely had neck control and was very out of it. First thing she said, "I NEED TO SEE A DOCTOR!" She was a trooper though through the whole thing. We found out that she had not four root canals but sixteen of them. Slowly she became her normal self.